BY THE BEACH
Sara stretched out on the cool sand and thought about beach days with her children.
“A mother shouldn't have favorites, but one day my third daughter jumped high into the air and almost caught a seagull.”
Sara closed her eyes and dreamt of a land where gulls swooped too low and puppies didn't grow old.
“A mother shouldn't have favorites, but one day my third daughter jumped high into the air and almost caught a seagull.”
Sara closed her eyes and dreamt of a land where gulls swooped too low and puppies didn't grow old.
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Author's Note
A short-short written for the new 55-Word Story Group. It's hard to comment on a vignette, but thanks for the read.
Other stories by Ramon Collins
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Good one, Ramon. Enjoyed.
Sure now, it would be hard not to favor a daughter who jumped high into the air and almost caught a seagull, especially for a mother, especially a mother named Sara. That's why your story rings true, except for the puppies not growing old part: but that was only a dream.
Very, very nice, Ramon. I like this a lot.
That's lovely. And fun.
It may be a vignette, but there's a world of story here. Masterful use of both the single dialogue and the insight into her thoughts that tell a lot more that what you've written. Nice!
lovely slice, man
lovely slice, man
Beautifully done, Ramon.
55 words and look what you've delivered -- love this moment, here.
Nicely done, Ramon.
I like this very much Ramon.
Perhaps consider changing the quote to third person, so it is Sara's thought rather than Sara speaking to who? And I, too, would eliminate the puppy dogs.
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
thinking about sea gulls and children at the beach is so lovely. Reminds me of my days.
Nice one, Ramon!
Lovely moment!
Gorsh! I'm overwhelmed by the responses to this short-short. Thank you, thank you. I'll go to the 55-word site and recip ASAP.
yeah, this is a nice glimpse at a whole world!
Very nice images, RC.
Lovely, Ramon. The last sentnece especially. Peace...
Everything uneccesary cropped away and 55 necessary words left.
"...the cool sand.."
That's interesting.
Michelle: Thank you, but in NZ doesn't half the world look upside down?
JS: Thanks for a very nice comment.
Linda: Thank you. I wish I knew where sentences come from.
James: 55-worders are tricky. They usually start at about 200, then you have to trim every word that doesn't tell the story.
I hope everyone in this thread joins the 55-word Group. Hellofa good way to practice tightening-up narrations.
She has a favorite - whoo, taboo! Great little 55-worder.
It's lovely. There are so many clear moments like that I miss about my children being young. It's the peak of life and goes by in a blink.