Oops
by kate hill cantrill
Ok so oops. I messed that up. I made it sexual when it was sweet. Oops. I swear it was the beer. Ok I lie. I always lie. I tried to be a different girl for you. So oops. I messed that up. I made it sexual when it was sweet.
I knew a woman who wrote instead ‘opps’ due to learning disabilities, although I thought it fucking brilliant; and when she said: My business plan? Laundromat and Coffee Shop, I nearly fainted with impression. Opps. And so so needed. Cleanse and energize. Just think of the aroma. Eye-watering aroma.
So when I oops-ed, when I made it sexual when it was sweet, I meant I want to be a part of you. I want to hold you in my palm. I want to cup you on my tongue. I want to suck in air and in the air—surprise!—it’s you and you are wearing flip flops. Oops. I messed that up. I swear it was the beer. Ok I lie. I always lie. I tried.
Ok so you are wearing flip flops. I hold you in my palm I cup you on my tongue I breathe in air and in the air—surprise! It’s you.
She didn’t say opps; she only wrote it. And when I pointed this out she said: Learning Disabilities. Differences, I said. No, she said. I see one p when really there are two. And really, she said, I don’t care a whole lot anyway. Oops.
But still she wrote it like that every time. Opps. Then she’d cross it out and try again. Opps. (Cross-out). Opps. (Cross-out). Opps.
I made it sexual when it was sweet. I tried.
It was brilliant. The smell of soap, the sounds of cloth rolling, rolling, and water steaming through the silver tubes, the look of milk in both the rooms: The Laundromat. The Coffee Shop. The chalk board reading: Moka lahtay. Cappah Cheeno. Mufinns. Opps.
I guess I thought that if I was a part of you—you in my palm, you anywhere—I would get there by being a different girl for you. So I made it sexual. Oops. I messed that up. I just wanted. I wanted to breathe in air and in the air surprise it’s you and you are wearing those fucking goddamn flip flops.
I thought it brilliant.
If you spilled your latte when you folded who would care? Simply throw the pants into the wash. Opps. Into the wash. Into the steaming milky. Have a lahtay while it rolls.
What must you think of me? You know something of me now. Fucking brilliant. And so so needed.
I made it sexual. When it was sweet.
I tried to be a different girl. Oops. I messed that up.
But this of you I know:
I know you’ll venture home at night.
At night you’ll wash your feet.
And when the water touches soap you’ll think: How perfect this, how very needed at this time.
Kate, I've read this over and over. Love the reptitions, the way the sentences fold back on themselves. A really interestingly written piece!
I think this story is a little messy. I'd like to see it tightened then put up here again.
Sean
One thing I love to do in my own fiction is repeat words like crazy. I love how you do that in this piece with oops and opps.
Love the last line too.
Great story -- the messiness is part of what makes it work. I love the way it messes me up, just reading it.
Awesome.
Thanks for reading and for your comments, everyone!
I love this! Every line can be pulled out by itself, and it still makes you "think." The rhythm of the lines is masterful. I envy that. Cheers!
Hey Brad, Thanks! Cheers back to you.
What Meg said - it's great the way it messes me up, reading it. And how it flows, all the way to the very end.
Thanks, Claudia!
"it’s you and you are wearing flip flops."
loved this story.
I had a friend who wanted to open a 24 hr. laundrymat/bar in a college town. would've made a killing.
Thanks, Joshua! And yes, Laundromat/bar sounds like a great idea! Even better than the coffee shop.
I think this is brilliant.
This is someone who knows how to use a refrain! (Or many of them.) Wonderful writing just to listen to in my head.
Thank you, Jon!
The rhythm and repetition of this is amazing and artful.
i love this story, so cute!
"I want to cup you on my tongue."
I don't know how to interpret this but I love it.
"I want to cup you on my tongue."
I don't know how to interpret this but I love it.
This is pretty interesting. Flash grants the ability to go poetry. You did. Good pop and flow.
This sounds, to me at least, more like a poem, than a short story. I did like the word play.
-Joe-
How witty and fun! loved starting my day with this flash piece.
Love the witty messiness, the clutter just like every day life and the honesty, the playfulness of words, and the flash of it...all worked endlessly.
Thanks, Robert!!
Oh and thanks, Melissa! I just saw this now. Actually, I haven't seen any of these last comments until now, so thanks muchly for reading and commenting, folks!
I love this. Love the rhythm, repetition. (I had a friend who actually said 'opps.' dazzling, every time.) I only wonder about the departure of the last four lines. (Lovely, certainly. Though thinking I loved where I was, and wanted to go there, more so?) I don't know, it's a question. Thanks for this.
Amazing piece! It speaks volumes about the disconnect that can sometimes exist between thought and verbalization. And everything just grows organically from that starting point, it flows as naturally as thoughts process. I love it! Thanks for sharing!
I kept thinking of "Naked Lunch" while I was reading this. Delicately disjointed, it seems to lure the reader to read it sexually. Or maybe it was just me.
Very nice.
Thanks, Catherine, Kirk and Marc for your thoughts! And yes, Marc, it's just you.
ha! Kidding of course.
wonderful, wonderful, wonderful and original, original, oopsiginal.
Hey, thanks Marcus!!
I love the repetition of oops, the learning disabilities and how it is worked in, the shabam just works beautifully.
This is very odd. A little crazy. I love the voice, love the character. I don't think I'd want her to love me or to love her for real, yet I don't think I could resist. I'd be too facinated by the way she talked. The sliprhythm, the accidental rhyms that seem intended or vice versa, I don't know. Opps, flipflops, Oops! Turned WHAT into sex? There IS no sex here. It is weirdly disembodied yet I still wonder what she'd be like, knowing at the same time that she's nuttso and I will probably end up with a pair of scissors stuck in my ear and hear wild shrieking laughter or maybe just the woman singing snatches from the Verdi Requiem. When did she hear the Verdi Requiem? Well, the last time she was in the psycho ward. Are there still psycho wards.
Look. It's a great piece of prose poetry. You're mad and I love you and now please go away!
Wonderful play here, and through all the weirdness, the wanting comes through. *
THIS is fucking brilliant.
beaut!*