Honor Grade
by John Riley
It was a surprise they put me in a dormitory, not a cell, with fourteen sets of bunk beds along two walls, windows with no bars, and that for two days no one threatened me, the kid with Penguin classics under his mattress. It was not a surprise when, on the third day, the man sat on my bunk without invitation and told me without being asked that he'd beaten his friend to death with a pool cue and still didn't know why and asked without caring which book was my favorite. I showed him my used copy of Lady With a Little Dog, except in that translation it was called Lady With a Lapdog. He said no man should be a lapdog. I agreed and told him the story. “Fuckin' cheaters,” he said which made me think of my father and I told him about our drunken trip to Mexico, my dad and I, and how at fourteen I'd driven us over the Madres and through a town called Durango. It was a surprise that after I said Durango he stared at the wall of men wearing green shirts and green pants waiting to see what was supposed to happen and that he whispered “Madres at Durango” and then said I should shut-up he'd make sure I was okay but I should shut-up and the prisoners, so unlike me I was certain, schooled away, leaving behind an endlessness that didn't last.
Fave, John. You had me in dorm with him. Good writing.
Thanks, David
That's a lotta story in a little space.
Now THAT'S how it's done!
Thanks, Sally. You've made my day.
An elegant hybrid which blurs the lines between poetry and prose.
So much said with so few words. There's menace and a whole lotta everything in here.
*
What those other writers said.*
Great piece of writing.
Fantastic writing, John! *
The rhythm of this story is fantastic - completely adds to the "menace" that Roberto noted.
Oh yeah...tightly woven, speaks volumns in a small space.
nicely done, john.*
Thanks, everyone for the nice comments. I do love the encouragement.
Earlier today I was just reading about what Chekhov meant by the "telling detail." This piece what he meant.
Menace, certainly. And, given the title, I enjoyed the verb choice, "schooled," at the end. Power punch, John. *
Wow, Barry. You flatter me. It's great you like it. Thanks for the nice comment.
mysterious piece, "no man should be a lap dog" indeed.
Thanks, Marcus
there is a danger humming through this. Lots of tension, lots of quiet anticipation. The way that the prisoner whispers, " ...Madres ..." It said a lot. The outside world and the feeling of it. He must have been picturing it. Mexico so far away.
enjoyed this greatly. The pacing of it and the overall feel.
Thanks, Bud
Really strong writing, John. *
Compelling and mysterious. *
John, if this was the opening paragraph of a novel I'd buy it. Ditto everything said above. What a setup.
Thanks, Ann and Derek.
Lots of tension in this compact piece of great writing. Fav.
Thanks, David
The integration of the poetic rhythm and the tension of the social interaction meld beautifully. Well done.
Thanks, Gloria
The atmosphere in this is unnerving, despite the calm. Great ending conundrum, too. *
Masterfully written and unsettling. It gave me shivers, it transported me into your world. Exceptional.
Evocative. Love that ominous last line!