Bestiary
by Jake Barnes
A woman posted a story on Fictionaut about discovering that her husband was a werewolf. I had recently discovered that my wife was a unicorn, so I sent the writer a note offering my condolences. I said I could sympathize with her situation, because, of course, both werewolves and unicorns are mythical beasts. We are lucky, I said, because if our spouses were real animals, that would be awful.
Then it occurred to me that maybe we should start a recovery group for people like my friend, the writer, and me. We could call it Mythical Beasts Anonymous.
So that's what we did, and our new group is a big success. Members of the group include women married to an ogre, the Cyclops, and a dragon. One of the men is married to a mermaid, the lucky bastard. There are tragedies in the making, too, such as the Scottish woman who is in love with the Loch Ness monster. It's hard, she says, because she does not know how to swim. A woman who was engaged to marry a satyr says she broke off the engagement because she discovered that at heart he was just a horse's ass.
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Author's Note
This story is dedicated to all animal lovers, no matter what kind of animal they love.
Made me laugh. I was the one married to the werewolf. *
The invisible woman. She always keeps it light.
You are a very good storyteller, Jake. Fav.
Perversely beautiful in a mythical sort of way.
There are tragedies in the making, too, such as the Scottish woman who is in love with the Loch Ness monster. It's hard, she says, because she does not know how to swim.
love that. nice and funny one all through. creative.
Thank you Jake! What fun. I myself am currently enamored with Twig the Fairy; she is my fav celebrity of all time. Okay, back to the writing...
If a woman awakens one morning to discover she is married to a green monster who hates Christmas, can she still join the group?*
And then you look in the mirror. I am a sucker for these kinds of stories. Enjoyed it Jake.
I have never told anyone this before. I can spin straw into gold. My grandmother taught me before she died but warned me that if I revealed this talent, greedy men would lock me away and force me to spin, day and night. So I only meet people on Craig's List and only to message each other back and forth.
I laughed out loud. This is pretty great.*
Love *
Wonderful. And I'm so envious. You're actually married to a unicorn! I merely have an inner unicorn who persistently pipes up.
You or your unicorn wife might enjoy the advertised remedy that once went with one of my stories: http://kaffeinkatmandu.tumblr.com/post/5897166680/beate-sigriddaughter-the-hunter-and-the-unicorn
I had to come back and explain that I lied (yes, right here on Fictionaut) and I cannot spin straw into gold. I apologize. The best I've been able to do is spin straw into fat-free cheese. Please forgive me, Jake.