by Jack Swenson
When we got back to my place that night, she sat on my lap and loosened my tie. Later we went down to the dock and looked at the lake. “He doesn't want to stay; he doesn't want to go,” she said. I asked her if she wanted to go swimming. She didn't bring a suit, she said. I said that was okay; I wouldn't wear one either. I saw the ghost of a smile on her lips. She wiped away her tears. “You are such an awful man!” she said.
I did the right thing; I drove her to the hospital and drove her home after the D & C. The nurse who brought her down to the lobby in a wheel chair gave me a dirty look. That night Mark and I got drunk, and later I decided that his wife, Molly, who had gotten fat, looked pretty good, and I tried to get her to go upstairs with me. Mark chuckled and told her to go ahead. Molly said she would think about it. Later I asked Mark if he wanted to watch, but his wife wouldn't let him. She didn't like kinky stuff, she said.
“Arthur is a very deliberate man,” I told her. “He doesn't make decisions quickly.” Nancy gave me a look. “I'm the opposite,” she said. “If I see something I like, I grab it.” I told her about my friend, a young man about her age, who says that patience isn't a quality that he has much of. It's a character defect, he says, but he can't seem to do anything about it. Her eyes leaked tears. I told her that it was my wife's idea to have a party. “I'm not a party person,” I said. I said that most nights I drank myself to sleep. I liked bourbon and country music, a bad combination.
Everything was at sixes and sevens. Across the street, a mud slide had taken out a fence. Water ran like a river in the paved streets. Would it rain for forty days and forty nights? I had never met the gay doctor's partner. He was from Iran. The woman doctor, a pediatrician, asked him if he was Persian, and he said no, Iranian. Something bothered me about that woman, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
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Another cluster bomb. Faulty wiring. Snap, crackle, & pop.
Good work, Jack - "Everything was at sixes and sevens. Across the street, a mud slide had taken out a fence. Water ran like a river in the paved streets." Great voice here. Nicely done.
Something apocalyptic about this one, Jack. I must be easily spooked today. Maybe October is haunting me already. This story is haunting me, for sure.
Very, very cool...different...eerie story. I really like this. My faves are #1 and #2. Great writing.
Not a false step.
*
Yes, eerie, and I agree with Carol, something apocalyptic about it.
The distinction made by the dr's partner - not Persian but Iranian - has huge amounts of subtext behind it.
Interesting vignettes all around.
You always get my vote, Jack - power stuff. *
'powerful stuff', 'power stuff' -- however you take it, never 'powderpuff.'
That last graf pulses with forebooding. Though the others do a great job building tension, too. I like this, a lot, not sure why other than it dithers with my heart. peace... *
Jack I don't know how you manage to combine different story elements in a short piece like this and make it all come out in the end. That is your special writer gift and I admire it immensely.
I also admire this beautiful passage:
"Everything was at sixes and sevens. Across the street, a mud slide had taken out a fence. Water ran like a river in the paved streets."
So Faved
Yes! Fav
Jack, the disconections that connect by virtue of their inclusion here reminds me of your "Naked Ladies." Fav *
A sad, poignant story full of thirst. *