The Bicycle
by Jack Swenson
They were dirt poor when she was a kid, she said. They left their hardscrabble farm in Iowa after her mother's accident and moved to California. Their first home was a shotgun rental near the railroad tracks. She was just a tot. Her two brothers were a bit older.
The two boys used to help the garbage man load and unload his truck. They would proudly ride in the bed of the truck while he made his rounds, then go with him when he deposited the junk at the dump.
The dump itself was a treasure chest. The boys found all sorts of useful things. Broken furniture, magazines, discarded radios—which they took home but couldn't fix. One day they found a bicycle. Actually, the garbage man found it, but he gave it to the boys as a reward for their help.
The woman who told me the story said that bicycle stayed outside in their yard for several years. Oh what fun they had riding that bike! What adventures! They went everywhere, in town and out. The bike was fast. They could beat any of the kids on their spanking new Schwinns. What sights they saw on their travels! Neighboring towns, farms, even the big city some miles away.
And, she said, they never had to worry about anyone stealing the bike. You see, the bike didn't have wheels. The boys stood it upright and braced it so it wouldn't fall over. Then they'd climb up on the seat, pedal like mad, and use their imaginations.
Travel is an educational experience, my friend said. She learned a lot from her outings on that bike. Two things she learned are that if you use your imagination, there are no limits to how far you can go, and on a bike with no wheels, you never had to pedal uphill.
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Author's Note
More about tots. Sorry; the Devil made me do it.
Such a great story with a beautiful message.
*
Lovely. . . fave
How fun!
Ah man - I really love this, Jack!
nice. very efficiently done, nice turn in para. 5.
Good story, I like the characters. I need me one of them bicycles. I'm always peddling uphill in my imagination.
Economical, Jack. Straight forward - nothing wasted.
"The dump itself was a treasure chest. The boys found all sorts of useful things. Broken furniture, magazines, discarded radios—which they took home but couldn't fix. One day they found a bicycle. Actually, the garbage man found it, but he gave it to the boys as a reward for their help."
Good piece.
Love the surprise inside this box--it's Cracker Jack!*
This story is not a bike without wheels. It goes somewhere.
More moralistic than is common for you, Jack. My preference: don't explain anything. End with "peddle like mad." (Or something like that. You're good with endings.) The reader doesn't need any help at the end from your friend. Have faith in the attentive reader. The attentive reader will figure it out.
This had a nice charm and warmth to it, and a belief in the power of imagination and not having to peddle uphill. I like it. :)
Jack. I agree with Bill. Everything that's so carefully spelled out in the last graph is already implied in the story. And that image of the boy on the no-wheeled bike is a beauty. *
Jack,
I think Bill's on to it . I might try this: " And they never had to worry about anyone stealing it , since it had no wheels."
end
The "show don't tell" folks have it right on this one, though like all rules there are plenty of exceptions.
Great piece, by the way.
I like the wistfulness of the final statement about never having to peddle uphill. For me, it completes the picture of a woman/family (and I see this piece as being more about the woman than the bike) who travelled a tough road, who managed to deal with it but nevertheless, there was a lot of peddling uphill. I can feel the exhiliaration of the imaginary ride, the thrill of finding treasures in the junkyard. I can really hear the woman's voice in the last few lines and I would feel the loss of those lines if they were taken out.
Good story. I've always thought "show don't tell" is a bit overrated (I'm the kind of person who doesn't like being told what to do anyway. Waxing philosophical is an author's well-earned privilege (I'm currently re-reading an liking Thomas Mann). For what it's worth, I might skip "Two things she learned is that if you use your imagination" and leave the rest. *
Great story, Jack!! I love the image of them peddling like hell and how you've taken us through the story of their adventures before we realize they have no wheels. I tend to agree with Beate. "there are no limits to how far you can go, and on a bike with no wheels, you never had to peddle uphill." I love that line!!! Great work!! ****
Jack, I think your story would be good either way, with or without the last paragraph. However, since you have introduced the story's narrator as a seperate character to whom the story is being related by the woman who lived the experiences with her two brothers, this waxing philosophical in the last paragraph adds more punch to the ending. Because, yes, it's now about her and not the bicycle.
Jack, I like this very much. And I, too, agree with Beate--but only because "two things she learned..." seems redundant to me, but that's just me.
Big fave. *
On the nosey, J. Mykell.
Good on the devil I'd say! Perhaps 'tots' is your lucky word? I like that the piece starts with 'her' and ends with 'her' too - but I'd be interested in what it would be like if you swapped the final paragraphs around and tinkered with 'her' thinking. So you incorporated the philosophising/'her' coming to terms with things and still had the peddling end - maybe 'free-wheeling through their imaginations' or some such as the end-line. You know best and like I said before - trust your gut! You give good endings so I'm sure whatever you go with will be great. Fave
Nothing at all wrong with Hegelian morality and any wax that brings a story some philosophical lutre. Anyone who wants to take away those last couple sentences has been anachronistically Carverized to the point of utter bondage to uniformity and literary concision. I'd say more about that here, but I think I just herniated a few synapses (ffzzzzztt).
fave
Hi Jack, thanks for the controversy. Just an opinion: There's a transition in the paragraph whispering for subtlety. How about:
Imagination, my friend said, has no limits. And on a bike with no wheels you never have to peddle uphill.
OR: You can leave it as is. I love the story and where it goes.
Fave.
Thank you all. I PROMISE not to do this again. Yes, I know; I'm a troublemaker. Mea culpa.
But you're the best kind of trouble maker - a fun one! Bit of an imp, scamp or scallywag, as we'd say over here. Do carry on. Where will 'tots' feature next - as a measure of whisky? Potato fare? Children again? Or a combination of the three? Come on, you know you want to!
I really enjoyed this, Jack. Kinda nostalgic, or something. But very good, certainly. *
As a cyclist, I absolutely love that the story is a the bike! But I also really enjoy the gradual reveal that they have these adventures on a bike without wheels--what a lovely aspect of childhood you've captured so astutely! Though I must correct that it should be pedal, not peddle... sorry!
Rather, I absolutely love that this story is *about* a bike. Now I'm wishing we could edit comments!
the garbage man clearly was a magician from a foreign land, a man with enormous powers. i first wasn't sure about those last 2 paragraphs either but you foreshadow the telling if there is such a thing as foreshadowing not an action but a point of view...and i think that last sentence is gorgeous.