Goodbye
by Jack Swenson
She had me cornered in her apartment. I had brought the papers for her to sign. Uh-uh, she said. She had changed her mind. She wasn't mad anymore. "Come here," she said, stepping out of her dress. "I've changed. No more Miss Goody Two Shoes. Men have needs; I know that now. I'll show you." With that she unhooked and removed her bra. She stepped out of her panties. She spread her arms wide. "Take me!" she sang.
I ran for the door. No way, I thought. Nine years of this shit is enough. What's done is done.
She tackled me from behind and brought me down face first in the hallway. "Ow," I said. I reached out a hand and tried to grasp the door knob, but I was a couple of feet short. She started tearing at my clothes. I somehow managed to roll over on my back and grasp her wrists. "Deedee" I yelled. "No!"
"I'll show you!" she said. "I'll make you sorry you started up with Lorna." I told her to shut up about Lorna. I was already sorry about that. Women. Traitors, every single one of them. They give you the come on, then drop you. Marry one, and she spends the wedding night locked in the bathroom.
I crawled toward the door, pulled myself up, with Deedee hanging onto my belt. I freed myself. I opened the door and skedaddled. As I drove away, I looked in the rear-view mirror, and there was my soon-to-be ex wife standing on the sidewalk butt naked, waving. Already I missed her. I missed Lorna, too.
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Author's Note
A true story. Absolutely every bit of it.
Oh, man! Whappity-whap-whap!
(whatever *that* means!)
Fun! Great ending!
(She told me not to believe a word of it, though. Said NOT ONE BIT of it was true!)
Oh good lord! Yes, this has the ring of authenticity. Painfully, funnily true. Jack, this is fan-fucking-tastic. You've got to get this published. Funniest line for me: "Take me!" she sang. Sounds like she had been into the cooking sherry by about 11 a.m. Love, love, love it.
Are you pulling our leg(s)? Is this really true? See, I think it is. But is it?
Matt, she's lying. D'Arcy, well, I changed it a little bit. Thanks for your favs & raves.
a wilder ride than most flash fiction takes you on.
shoot the cartoon
No, no, it's a true story.
really true???? I don't believe it.
This is great, Jack!
Me thinks Jack writes truth most of the time! I believe every word of it and laughed hysterically... if it weren't so damn sad.
Ok, so I totally love this.
I believe it's true too.
it is truth-y
Great work, Jack. The depth of your work - showing the difficult in a real and focused moment - very evident in the compelx and conflicted closing paragraph. Well written piece.
Reminds me of the wonderful column Modern Love of the NYT. Pieces there are often funny and troublesome like this.
Too all you unbelievers: It is too true. Sort of. More or less. There's SOME truth in it.
"I was already sorry about that." I think it's flat out hilarious. I hope that's okay :) All good fiction is true.
Oh god this slayed me, he is so funny! "Ow" is all he says when he hits the floor?? I laughed like crazy there and kept laughing...
Great story, Jack. BTW, I started Quintet and it is amazing!
This made it sing for me, Jack:
"Already I missed her."
As I drove away, I looked in the rear-view mirror, and there was my soon-to-be ex wife standing on the sidewalk butt naked, waving..loved this one!
Great. Great. Great. And I absolutely believe that it's all true. Fav.
True or not, this is great writing. Alive and saucy and funny and sad all at once. I love it that he says "Ow!" -- seems such an unlikely thing to say and makes it all the more hilarious - so minimalistic amid all that chaos of the moment. And I love it that yet another of your characters is skedaddling... seems to be a lot of that round these parts. The best is the ending: Already I missed her. I missed Lorna too. Fave, Jack! Fave!
holy god/ yep. Likey, likey.. weird as hell in the best weird as hell Jack Swenson way. Fav.