Rock On
It's dark in here.
Well what do you expect?
Yeah, I know, it's just that,
sometimes,
I'd like to get out.
It's your choice.
Is it?
Look…
I mean, I read. I've been around.
You're from Oklahoma.
So they say…
What d'ya mean?
Not Arizona.
Huh? Never mind, it's OK:
no one remembers
their birth.
Yeah, but most people remember
some things, don't they?
Of course, but so do you.
Like what?
Well, what did you last read?
Um…
You said you read, so what do you
read regularly? The NYT?
(blank stare)
Do you live under a fucking….?
Never mind. The WSJ?
(shrug)
The LAT?
I once read a book by
George Saunders.
That objectivist writer?
No, he's not objectivist
any more — he denounced
Rand and her neo-cons.
Woah, you do read.
I'm wiki-mad.
Cheater.
Can't fit too many books
under here, can I?
That Saunders: he's smart, eh?
Well they don't call it
a genius grant for nothin'.
Hey, you know what?
We should go out.
Out? Out?!
Well, yeah, don't you ever think
you might wanna?
Is that a trick question?
Well why not? What are
you waiting for?
Turnips? Radishes? No, carrots!
Just a goddamn carrot.
You're being obtuse. Let's go
meet some people.
Don't know the local language.
I can teach you. Say ‘bonjour.'
They speak Spanish here?
Good lord, man! This ain't Spain!
Well how should I know?
Jeez, you're a regular
Eliza Doolittle.
Hey! I'm a guy, dude.
So? still the same idea.
Rain in Spain
and all that.
Well I never been to Spain.
That's not the point.
But I kinda like the music.
You don't play any music.
Naw, but I used to have a tape deck.
You mean a CD player.
Naw, man, 8-track.
Good lord, you need to get out.
You at least need company
under here.
Two can be as a bad as one….
OK, fine. Play me something.
Anything but your old 8-tracks.
Wait, let's play
Mortal Combat: Annihilation.
You know I hate those games.
Dysfunction, dysfunction,
dysfunction is a function.
You are dysfunction.
If dysfunction is a function,
then I must be
some kind of
ge-ni-us!!
Come on. You're too alone
under here.
You're here.
You know, you can make this world
whatever you want it to be.
It's too dark.
So make a little light.
Can't — but maybe that guy
in that cave will lend me
his torch.
I'm leaving.
Suit yourself. I'm gonna name
my rock, by the way — call it
‘genius granite'.
You never even read a Saunders book.
So? I got internet, dude.
Come on, I'll take you to the library.
Well I guess if I gotta go
somewhere, that ain't a bad
first choice. But let's stop
an' eat, too --
I'm starvin', man.
But I don't eat
fast food. Could do with
some tapas, though.
Have you been sneaking out?
No, just fancy the idea
of tapas… Spain an' all.
OK, come on, let's go.
Alright… but I'm
a little nervous...
fuck it's bright out here! …
Oh, look, a daisy!
That's not a daisy, you idiot.
It's a jonquil.
What does it matter?
What does it matter?
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Author's Note
Inspired by Christian Bell’s 'This is Not A George Saunders Story', posted at VOICES
written for the May Short Story Challenge
Bands: Three Dog Night and Pitschshifter, who'd likely not be living under the same rock together but this is after all fiction
Other stories by Michelle Elvy
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Your satirical tone, comic elements, and tight dialogue work effectively. "It's dark in here . . . fuck it's bright out here! . . . What does it matter?" A philosophical question. The form is unusual yet easy to follow.
Loved the dialogue and the unconventional, yet seamless way you've drawn it together. Solid piece of writing.
The form is just marvelous. A real strength here. The voices here are great - and move through the piece well. Very effective writing, Michelle. Big like.
Michelle I could HEAR the two voices ping pong-ing off each other - This is innovative and absolutely brilliant! Biggest fav
Thanks for the comments and faves. JMC and Sam -- glad the form works, as I was concerned about how to make it visually convey the 'ping pong' that Myra mentions (Myra - we need to sit down and ping pong ourselves one day!).
Mark, nice to meet you here! Thanks for appreciating the unconventional.
And Sam: that Big like means a lot!
Oh, and JMC: do you know that Three Dog Night song (Well I never been to Spain...), the one that ends
What does it matter?
What does it matter?
I've had that stuck in my head since 4am.
I too enjoyed the clever dialogue and unconventional form. It sort of reminded me of Waiting for Godot... and at times got a little too close to conversations I've had with my roommates.
Clever, funny, liked the way you dribbled in a few references to other stories (I think I am right about that; George Saunders, the guy in the cave), definitely heard the voices. Was dying to know where "under here" is! For some reason I don't see these two as humans, but as funny looking little aliens.
PING PONG away!
typo: objectivist
Oh, I just read your Author's Notes!
very cool form, here, just love it! it makes for terrific pacing when read aloud, and expanded it could be a theatre piece. funny and smart writing
Good form.
Works well for this piece. This nature boy had to wiki jonquil, saw he had a look-alike in his wildflowers on his desk. No talking vegetables or stones in there though. Never in ND, AK & I always forget if its HI or HA.
As in HA! this is great, and HI! glad ta read ya!
A wild and wacky story. Great back & forth. Reminded me of Waiting for Godot.
Writing a story around song lyrics worked very well with this one, Michelle. You make it look fun, even philosophical, but certainly not silly: depending on your definition of silly, of course.
Kudos, Michelle - this is fabulous. Reminds me of David Mamet.
Funny story.
Surreal.
I love the unique form of this story. The voices and dialogue here are played to perfection.
I’m glad my story could provide inspiration!
Enjoyed this a lot, Michelle. I'm a sucker for dialectic form.
As others have said, Mametian. I like the layout. I think I know an older George Saunders--the actor from "Foreign Correspondent" whose suicide note read "Frankly, I'm bored."
I read this earlier, but had to let it percolate. Read it again and rather loved it. See, what happened was ... this song kept going through my head for day or so. I'd be driving to Wal Mart and suddenly, I'm going, like, "They say the ladies are insane there, and the sure know how to use it ..." I started smoking again, so I'm better now.
Fav ... with cautionary note.
Ah, Michelle this is funny, and you saved the best line for last. "That's not a daisy, you idiot.
It's a jonquil."
Love it.
Thanks, everyone, for your comments. Glad the dialogue worked out so well. This was fun to write. Big thanks to Christian for his wonderful George Saunders piece!
(Sorry if that song is still lingering in anyone's head...)
Great form and so much fun.
"Woah, you do read.
I'm wiki-mad.
Cheater."
Laugh-out-loud funny. And I'll be humming 'Never Been' for awhile today.
the pace, the rally, the VOICES, but really the formatting, oh baby the formatting...
Thanks, Mark and Ashwin. Glad you liked the voices and the form! Really appreciate the reads.
This is so astonishingly good, Michelle. Kudos. "So? I got internet, dude." ...and so much more. I love this!