Snatch XII
by Mathew Paust
“I mean, theoretically were I to try to move something, just a finger, or blink my eyes, or take a breath, even, and I couldn't, and nothing would happen, no action the signal from my brain would affect, I...the panic could kill me, scare me to death. Not that death alone, just by itself, would be so unwelcome. Total paralysis? Absolute, unequivocally complete paralysis? Another story. I'd go mad. That would come first. And not the sort of gibbering, slobbering madness that's a sanctuary from comprehension, the psychological womb where one feels safe from memory, from its secrets, not that. No. No. No. But the kind of madness that's in stark, unyielding, undeviating communion with a feral imagination so unmanageable it surpasses exponentially the most hideous fevered delirium where even then one instinctively senses at least the hope of a latent mercy just beyond reach.
"Not this time. The madness residing in this unconscionable imagination feeds off the likelihood of every fear one has ever experienced and can conceive of experiencing looming just out of view, waiting to do with one what it wishes whenever it chooses. This I am without doubt would occur were I to try to move and fail. I would know beyond rescue I am stuck in a hellish, incrementally whimsical doom. A fly of uncommon sentience caught intractably in a web across which the measured approach of some other on the connected strands can be felt but not yet seen. No thank you. I choose, for the moment anyway, to keep the option of knowing open. The merest possibility of physical freedom in this circumstance of lethally slender range is nothing short of bliss."
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Author's Note
Prior -- XI - http://tinyurl.com/zjogzdh
Captures the panic of having no power but the consciousness of powerlessness perfectly.
I wished these snatches were longer.
*, Mathew. I look forward to each addition to 'Crime Time".
I can't decide if this is weirdly wonderful or wonderfully weird.
.......
"I wished these snatches were longer."
(Don't say it, Sally. Don't say it. Just DON'T.........)
Breaking a promise I made to Sally a long while back not to clog the feed with responses to comments, but I'm not running for public office, so here goes. First of all, I'd like to say this about that, etc. I did just now put up a deftly tweaked new version. Secondly, thanks to all above for your reading and kind words.
Sam, they seem organically the right length in the writing. That you want more, is good feedback for me, and I thank you for that. I hope this will continue as an extended series, all connected, all happening in the mind of our narrator/protagonist.
One last thought: Sally was the first member to comment on my debut post here, which was quite long, as I recall. Her words were kind, as was her advice that the shorter stuff plays better on Fictionaut. I'm at last getting around to taking her advice. Thanks again, Sally.
**
"The madness residing in this unconscionable imagination feeds off the likelihood of every fear one has ever experienced and can conceive of experiencing looming just out of view, waiting to do with one what it wishes whenever it chooses."
Just right. Enjoy(ed)ing.
Not the first time I've led someone astray.
Won't be the last.
:)
***Speaking of nightmares...
Not that this is a nightmare. I love it, but I'll come after you if I dream about being paralysed tonight.
Someone was chasing me last nite, Nonnie, but I managed to escape thru the green door. ;)
I use to play at a club called the Green Door where I would go home to grab nightmarish snatches of fitfully sleep.
You're turning into a power writer on us Mat. Great stuff. *
Some really fine writing here. Nightmarish, recalling Hitchcock, even Poe.*
"the sort of gibbering, slobbering madness that's a sanctuary from comprehension"
"the hope of a latent mercy just beyond reach"
"A fly of uncommon sentience"
Fine writing, Mat!
*
I'm pretty sure this is about the election of Trump. *
Thanks, everyone. Barry, laffing my arse off here.