Halloween Hangover

by Mathew Paust

Once upon All Hallows Eve, I'd just ingested my Aleve,

Whence came a tapping at my door, a tap tap tapping,

A damnably intrusive rapping tapping, rappity tap tap tapping...and nothing more.

Of course, I opened the goddamned door, and there stood monsters, three or four.

Wee ones, they, bedecked in hideous array as tiny ogres, I must say,

They held out baskets, expecting pay by way of treats, or tricks they'd play.

I thought, OK, if that's the game we play this day, you'll get your treat and then away

From here to stray no more to my front door at this late hour as before.

In each ghoul's basket I therefore did place an apple, which afore

A needle I'd embedded in its core, with hopes this bother nevermore would come a'tapping at my door.

And yet next day to my dismay a rapping sent my nap astray, two strapping cops led me away.