Oh, Fish Eggs!
A motivational speaker I know intimately cannot abide any form of swearing. I once said the f-word as we were getting into bed and that was it, no sex that night. I asked why and she replied, "It doesn't matter if I love you tonight, what matters is God loves you all the time." My motivational speaker looked a lot like Debbie Harry from Blondie, so I rolled over on my side and imagined an angel from God with the curves of my blonde motivational speaker, a blonde angel who was ready to love me. That night.
It seemed to work and I felt blessed.
Another time I said in her presence, "Oh, Christ!" That was worse. My soul was damned. We must go to church, she said.
So we went to church, walking together in the shade because the enormous brim of my motivational speaker's black hat blocked the sun. I called it her preacher lady hat but I guess you could say it was a sunbonnet made for two. We got to the church and took Communion, which I like because sometimes they serve wine, and on the way up the aisle to the pastor my motivational speaker stubbed her toe on the corner of a pew, and said, “Oh, fish eggs!”
After church I took her for lunch at the Thai restaurant we both liked. I asked the waiter if they had fish eggs but they were out of them.
So we shared a platter of Buddha's Delight and she also gulped down an enormous egg roll. Whole. After lunch we went back to her place where I didn't say much and we made love three times. My motivational speaker said she felt the Holy Spirit move inside her, but all the time I was thinking of fish eggs, wondering if their salty pickled taste was what I really wanted, and that I needed to get out more into the sun.
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Author's Note
Any resemblance to actual events or persons in or outside of a state of grace, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Other stories by Frank Vander Rasky
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wonderfully absurd, with the label "my motivational speaker" holding it all together, apart from the exquisite way you're stirring your big boat around sex. really enjoyed this and the characters involved. intimately involved.
Quite amusing. I like the interplay with various religious elements especially. Nicely done.
An intimate relationship with a motivational speaker who looks like Debbie Harry from Blondie and you need to get out more into the sun? Fish eggs! With a salty pickled taste.
Thanks Marcus, Ed, JMC, for the read and comments! Wishing you caviar dreams and a Sunday Girl. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obwanhb6kww
Well, you had me with the sun bonnet for two. I do adore stories about wackos, and this was fun and wistful.
Great, weird piece of writing. Thanks for the link. I really miss Debbie, though I doubt she reciprocates. Star.
A sunbonnet made for two! A quirky thing, beautifully odd, we love it. We do.
Oh, Cheese and Crackers, Frank. I love this. Deliciously good and bad. *
Thanks Matt, James, Martha, Jules, for your comments!
I have a patent pending on a sunbonnet made for two :)
Glad you have the patent on the loveable sunbonnet, and also love the "salty, pickled taste" and much else. *
That night. Yeah, know the feeling. This is a delightful and beautifully crafted story. Love it. *
Fun, Frank.
Whom is narrator speaking to?
Kim, Jack, Bill, many thanks! Glad you all enjoyed it!
Bill, he is speaking to an audience within earshot that I am grateful includes you.
Frank, thanks.
I was wondering what would happen to the story if there were a specific character listening to the narrator and responding at key points.
I'd like to hear his or her responses.
Isaac Bashevis Singer often sets up his "first person narrations" like this and I thought that might work for you too.
Doing so would also set up some distance between the "I" of the story and you the author (always a good thing).
Maybe just consider this for the future.
Your work always surprises me. I look forward to your new pieces.
Bill, your interactive feedback is appreciated. Thanks!
I love this, Frank. I loved it from the beginning, when describing a lover as "a motivational speaker I know" and I love the fact that the narrator likes communion just for the wine, and yet seems to purposefully surround himself with people he doesn't 'get'. So much fun here. Original.
Hilarious *!
This rocks, Mr. Rasky! Yes indeed.
gulped down an enormous egg roll. whole. Wink wink. I faved this.
Jen, Marcelle, Meg, Katie (wink wink), you all rock!
Many thanks for your lovely reviews.
Oh this is great! That last paragraph just sings, Frank. It felt like the voice of a narrator at the end of a great short film. Bravo!*
Wow, Kathy, many thanks for your generous remarks!
Nice to read something humorous. Next time I cus I know I'll be thinking about fish eggs now!
oops, I guess "cuss" is the correct sp?
Don’t worry about any misspelling in your comments, Phoebe! I’m just happy you dropped by and enjoyed my story. Thank you!
I too was thinking of fish eggs. Second was the gulping down of the enormous egg roll. I'm smiling but don't know if I should be.
Thanks for smiling, Larry, and your eggspert comments!
Frank, this was a fun romp. My little sister always says "Shut the Front Door" around her kids, and they used to look over at the door when she did. Now they are old enough to know what she really means and they laugh as if she really had sworn.
I enjoyed the repetition of my motivational speaker, and the sneaky entendres -- eggroll, anyone? Thank you for the giggle today!
Another very sharp and darkly witty observation of religious/motivational (?) life.
I love the naming of the lover as "motivational speaker" and the truth of how when we get what we want, we want the other thing, the thing we gave up to get the thing we just had.