I told my wife, don't eat the crab, remember what happened July 4th, but she shrugged, couldn't resist. Then she complained of feeling hot, lightheaded. Then the hives came. Then she had trouble breathing. So I gave her Benadryl, rushed her to the hospital, told the scared kids, I'll call. I went through two red lights, wanted some credit , but she wasn't watching. Inside, the breathing's better but still labored. She's seen immediately. Doctor came by, asked, why's she eating crab if she's shellfish allergic? He had thick black glasses. His chiseled physique and perfect tan threw his career choice in your face. We didn't know, I said, omitting, do you think I'm stupid? He asked about vomiting, diarrhea, anxiety. He mentioned anaphylaxis. He asked about drug, bee, nut allergies. The nurse administered epinephrine. My wife had an electrocution moment. Then she's fine. The nurse hooked up an IV, said, you should be fine. Before calling home, I said, you look good now, but damn that was scary. Why am I having problems now at 39? I shook my head, looked at her. She was scared, like the first time she was pregnant. I refrained from saying, I said don't, and did you see me maneuver through traffic. I remembered our wedding reception. I tasted the crab cake, pulled her from greeting people, said, you have to try. And she did. Now, I said, forget crab, we'll try other things. I wrapped my arms around her. Then she cried.
11
favs |
812 views
24 comments |
262 words
All rights reserved. |
Week #12 of the 52/250 challenge. The theme/prompt is “allergic reactions.”
"I went through two red lights, wanted some credit , but she wasn't watching."
Great line. Great read.
Thanks, Chris!
I don't know why, I've been trying to dissect this.. but it hits me with huge emotional impact. The not said about our tenuous human condition is like an underground spring in this story. I absolutely love this, Chris.
The story zigs and zags like a wild ride to hospital. Great story, terrific writing. A winner all around.
Love this line: "His chiseled physique and perfect tan threw his career choice in your face."
This is very nice, swift, smooth and throws their relationship right at you, nice job.
I second Shelagh's comments.
But for me the "your" in "His chiseled physique and perfect tan threw his career choice in your face." threw me out of the line, which I really liked.
Well done. Like the line, "His chiseled physique and perfect tan threw his career choice in your face."
Good moiton here. I like the play with memory: "I remembered our wedding reception. I tasted the crab cake, pulled her from greeting people, said, you have to try. And she did. Now, I said, forget crab, we'll try other things." Nice work.
Very nice, I really enjoyed the movement in this piece. :)
Nice form and format here--mimics the importance of the relationship and the action that defines it. Nicely done!
I agree. Really well done. Love the line: "My wife had an electrocution moment." Riveting.
beautiful protrait of a relationship. loved the change of rhythm, from allergic/frantic forward to the slow flashback to the first pregnancy, and their wedding, then back to the now.
Great, great, great ending. And I'm a huge fan of one paragraph flashes. Good stuff, Christian.
Like hyper-ventilating. Fabulous. Too many great sentences to choose only one. Fav, and peace...
Beautiful story and writing. What a deep understanding in the relationship.
This is just terrific, the total stream-of-consciousness aspect of his voice, his inner voice, his needs, his mistakes, all he perceives about everything is spot on good writing
*
wonderful, full story, Chris. You do such good stuff with 250.
*
Thanks to all of you who have read and commented. You're the best!
Well done Christian. So much here and in such a tight space. I enjoyed this.
Thanks, Isabell!
Like this a lot, Christian. Great movement.
Thanks, Ravi!
Yes. Very fine. *