by Matt Potter
I ripped the glasses from his face and throwing them on the floor, stomped them into the polished floorboards.
Eight blank faces looked on. So I picked up the platter of anemone shells and tortoise shells and quail egg shells left over from the Mauritian bouillabaisse and tipped them over his balding head.
Still no reaction. Least of all from the tippee.
Balling my fists, I banged them on the retro-formica tabletop. The taste of pufferfish balls in an oleander-infused reduction with a seaweed and pomegranate side-salad tossed in a geranium-rottweiler vinaigrette rose in my throat.
“I resent subsidising the meals of those who had three courses AND A BOTTLE OF WINE when I only had one course and paid for my drinks along the way,” I said, looking at him as the broken shells slid down his face. “Especially when they earn more than double what I do.”
Recognition flickered in the eyes of those who, like me, have to watch their spending.
I slapped thirty-two dollars and seventy-five cents down hard on top of the hand-written account.
“I am NOT splitting the bill.”
And walking out the door, I made a mental note to contact my Anger Management Coach as soon as possible.
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This was sparked by a real incident ... but I only wish I'd reacted the way the character does in this story, which was written for Week #45 (theme: broken shells) of '52 / 250 A Year of Flash'.
Yeah. I have been to those dinners.
Hilarious! I love it.
"The taste of pufferfish balls in an oleander-infused reduction with a seaweed and pomegranate side-salad tossed in a geranium-rottweiler vinaigrette rose in my throat."
(fave!)
Nice piece, Matt. Especially liked -
“I resent subsidising the meals of those who had three courses AND A BOTTLE OF WINE when I only had one course and paid for my drinks along the way,” I said, looking at him as the broken shells slid down his face. “Especially when they earn more than double what I do.”
It's a great read.
Great read! My fav line: "tossed in a geranium-rottweiler vinaigrette...."
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Thank you all for reading and commenting. I wish i had the courage to do what this character did - though I get pretty close at times.
flawless title and an ending that turns this into an advertisement for the coaching industry, which makes me happy! loved it, especially your attention to the detail that i wouldn't even notice!
Oh, my god this is so funny!!! I'm still laughing! The narrator's voice is just beyond the pale...
"Balling my fists, I banged them on the retro-formica tabletop. The taste of pufferfish balls in an oleander-infused reduction with a seaweed and pomegranate side-salad tossed in a geranium-rottweiler vinaigrette rose in my throat."
Then your ending line!
Bravo to humor! Or do you write humour? Either way, it works
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ps- the first line is also hysterical. There is a formality to his semi-hysterical reactions that make this story a stand out.
I loved that bouillboisse tipped over his balding head!
was his mouth open? should have been mmmmmm mmmmm
A wickedly funny response. Wish I had...
Not to be overly simplistic here with my critique, but...
This is cool! Enjoyed*
There are those moments when we wish afterwards that we done or said... Beautiful, Matt!! "a geranium-rottweiler vinaigrette..." Don't know what that is, but would be afraid to try knowing the rottweiler's I have. The intensity is as palpable as the bouillabaisse on his bald head!!! ****
I thought I faved this back in the time when you first posted it, Matt! Oops, well, the intention was there!
I am thrilled to read it again from the interview with Susan which was great!
Love this story, and your writing overall. Keep up the great work!
Very funny. And definitely been there done that. Well not THAT exactly, but...
This is funny! And is made even funnier by the juxtaposition of the great detail regarding the food. Great! *
the menu sounds divine. such intrigue and build, a perfect harmony indeed.