by Matt Potter
Here's one I prepared beforehand, I'd said. Please note the word “prepared”.
Still, the world runs on celebrity.
I was good-looking, marketable and ambitious. And that never hurt anyone cracking it big, even daytime big, the coveted 2.00 — 2.30pm timeslot.
And nobody seemed to notice only the guests did the actual cooking. Sure, I chopped, smiled at Camera 3, recommended sponsors' products: These Chopperholic knives are great for chives. Nothing stirs custard better than a Stir-a-Durable frost-free spoon.
Or gave hints: It's all in the wrist, and Just like Great-grandma used to make, but without the indentured labour.
So I was unprepared when making Overeasy Eggs Kilpatrick for Two — Here's one I prepared beforehand — and there they were, in the Unbelieva-steel frypan, still thawing inside their generic brand packaging.
Damn cross-promotional live demonstrations during the news hour.
(I also had new ill-fitting contact lenses and the steam from the toaster — I was using frozen bread — fogged them up. No wonder I didn't see that the Overeasy Eggs Kilpatrick for Two were still in their plastic packet!)
Celebrity Chef Can't Cook for Nuts! headlines said. Not true, I responded: I've always been a fan of mental illness.
They fired me but I sold my story to another network. They're hoping to revive — or recycle — an old genre by turning it into a TV Movie of the Week.
The contract states I must play myself. But I'm hoping they'll realise I can't act and pay me extra not to do the job.
6
favs |
1534 views
8 comments |
280 words
All rights reserved. |
Can't recall where this story came from, except I liked the idea of someone compering a cooking show and actually not being able to cook. Perhaps it's a reaction to all all those celebrity chef cooking shows. I wrote this story while living in Berlin, for Week #20 of '52 / 250 A Year of Flash' (theme: Rivals). 'Rivals' was also put forward, by me, as a theme, and I was pleased to have it picked.
i've had that thought. my brother in law appears on TV cooking (he can actually do it) and one of my friends is a cook. somehow, there's glory in being so close to food. good, solid celebrity voice, matt. "the world runs on celebrity" won me over.
just leave those contacts out next time. I'd like tha egg recipe. Bet it' great.
Nice one!
Fun stuff! Peace *
Great snapshot of our world.
"I was good-looking, marketable and ambitious. And that never hurt anyone cracking it big, even daytime big, the coveted 2.00 — 2.30pm timeslot."
I can just see him.
Enjoyed.
Thank you all - yes, I think the crux of his whole personality is in that third paragraph. Success in a very public way is very important, but it's success at something - ultimately - quite silly, and even having to work for it at all: success in a can, aerated (puffed-up) and not remotely nutritious!
This was fun, and I needed a laugh, so thank you for that.
I loved "Celebrity Chef Can't Cook for Nuts! headlines said. Not true, I responded: I've always been a fan of mental illness."
Totally fun and adorable flash--
Your guy is likeable and vulnerable and just a little naive.
*