With a heart so heavy
her breaths are backed up against one another
like cars on a rush hour expressway,
she relives each moment of the past 24 hours
each misstep
each mistaken choice
each wrong turn
as if to say, this is me, I am cracked
and there is no way out of this broken world
but to continue down the crowded road of ruin.
If only that were the whole story,
then there would be no need to go on.
But somewhere deep inside,
she knows that the inevitable fluctuations
will take over
and she will no longer need that crutch of familiar failure,
for the rush of longing
and brush with flight
that is her imagination
will surely lift her above the traffic,
and against all evidence to the contrary
she will attempt to rewrite
the story,
one phrase
one fragmented
thought
one narrative strand
at a time
exploring
the possibility
of happiness
contained
in a single nod
of recognition
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always looking for the transformative power of words...
lovely accumulation of details to the one last statement, very poignant, provocative. wonder about the word "variance" took me out for a second.
thank you for that single nod... :)
maybe instead of variance of the moments,
inevitable fluctuations...
This is very good. You capture an experience that is so real in a very beautiful way.
Wow, thanks Paul... :)
An ars poetica for the hopeful. I like. Have you considered playing a bit with the line breaks, particularly toward the conclusion so reflect in a concrete way the fragmentation the poem speaks to:
"...she will attempt to rewrite
the story,
one phrase,
one fragmented
thought
one narrative strand
at a time
exploring
the possibility
of happiness
that will come to her
contained
in a single nod
of recognition..."
Well said.*
nice one. the faith in the words! fav*
My comment disappeared. I think this is wonderful. I like that the longest line turns the poems. I also like that it says: "and she will no longer need that crutch of familiar failure." (If for some reason my earlier comment shows up, please delete one of these.) *
Fine writing, Deborah.
"she will attempt to rewrite the story,
one phrase, one fragmented thought
one narrative strand at a time"
A good read. *
"the possibility of happiness
that will come to her
contained
in a single nod of recognition"
Oh, yeah. The truth and nothing but the truth. Fav.
Joani, Brian, Beate, Sam, Jake... thank you all for your responses. I'm very gratified that the piece touched each of you...
Sometimes the thought comes after the word.*
One suggestion: I would cut out "that will come to her" and re-break the line this way:
"the possibility of happiness contained/in a single nod of recognition."
You end on a powerful sentiment and I think that really gives it the oomph it deserves.
Lillian, Joani, Amanda, fantastic edit notes - thanks to all three of you... :)
I enjoyed these words.