Redux
by Claire King
The first one convinced me that every vile thought I'd ever had about myself was true. The weight of his judgement crushed me slowly until I was so diminished I begged him to love me because I knew no-one else ever would.
When I found him again I peeled his tongue, word by contemptuous word, until he had nothing left but a scrappy shred of muscle flapping in his empty head, his eyes gaping and bewildered.
The second one could not bear to share me. He locked me in my lonely room where I waited for him to come. When finally he appeared, though, he was angry and threw rocks at my face.
When I found him again I took a poker from the fireplace while he slept and smashed his bones to powder. I sank my dog-teeth into his greasy jowls, spitting out his dead skin as I left.
I told the third one I could never love again. He smiled a sagacious smile and told me that is not the way.
‘You must re-write the end that should have been,' he said. ‘I will be here when you get back.' Then he sent me down dark labyrinths to find them again.
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Author's Note
Written for the 52/250 theme 'Threesome', this was inspired by my friend Betty who told me that in Dutch there is an expression 'peel someone's tongue' meaning to make them talk.
Since this was the last week of the project, I wanted to write something with a sense of completion...
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wow, you return with a vengeance, claire. fantastic, this piece. i felt almost to tender for it i thought at first (it's the early morning here) but then...the end. made me think of colette locked into a room by her hubby to write gigi...enjoyed this muchly.
"The second one could not bear to share me. He locked me in my lonely room where I waited for him to come. When finally he appeared, though, he was angry and threw rocks at my face." - my favorite part of a delightful read- and really this graph is a delicious micro unto itself
This is really wonderful, Claire. *
Thank you Marcus, Meg & Roberta for your lovely comments. So glad you liked!
Tight voice and form, Claire. Strong piece of writing. Really like the ending. *
Strong, relentless, tight.
*
I did not copy what Sam wrote (swear to God). I just saw it after I posted. See: we both think it's that good in the same way!
Claire, Almost any of these delicious bits could stand alone.
"When I found him again I peeled his tongue, word by contemptuous word, until he had nothing left but a scrappy shred of muscle flapping in his empty head, his eyes gaping and bewildered."
Taut, finely wrought and strong, so strong. *
Claire, I read this ... had to sit there for a moment to catch my metaphorical breath long enough to know what to say about it. All I can say is .. wow.
fave.
I have a very visceral reaction to this. It makes me want to growl! What a wonderful saying that is: peel someone's tongue.*
Oh that last line. Nail in the coffin. (First thought.) Or is it? I love the notion of a rewrite. This one really got my old brain spinning! *
I remember how much I loved this at 52/250 when I read it over the weekend, and loved it even more this morning. So powerful, such insight. Fave.
The ending here is powerful and love the way you mask these characers a bit. Nice.
(sic)characters
I really appreciate all your terrific comments and faves. Thanks so much everyone, so lovely to be welcomed back after a long absence!
This is just...wow. I *felt* this. This is just great. The voice is impeccable, the writing, well, tight...yes. Me likey.
Thanks so much!
So powerful, Claire!!! "When I found him again I peeled his tongue, word by contemptuous word, until he had nothing left but a scrappy shred of muscle flapping in his empty head..." And that ending is magnificent!!! WOW! *****
I loved this, Claire. Rewriting the end that should have been. Great.
Really nice writing, Claire - descriptive and seductive, luring the reader. Powerful voice from start to finish, but especially in the finish. *
Thank you Meg, Christopher & Foster for reading and commenting. Your comments made my day. :)
left you my love letter at 52/250, but I shall dangle a pretty star to honor this yet more! peace *
You're a sweetheart, Linda. Thanks for the twinkling star!
Love the language and allegorical feel to this Claire. The writing is powerful. Fantastic closing. *
Thanks so much, Kathy!
Great ending!
So memorable, this one. I am reading it here now, almost a year after the first reading, Claire. So I must tell you again.
Superb story.
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