so warm ...
rolling stones,
hot rocks: side one
this heart of stone
my girl came home
with a green suitcase
travel record player
we set it up in the pink room
next to the desk where I write
and she dug around
came back with pinot noir
her eyes were like little fires
I leaned back in the chair
that I found in the garbage
cracked all my knuckles
except for the broken one
and said, "we'll still be here
when the sun comes up,
so, take a seat"
"don't get comfortable,"
she cooed, "though life is long."
"It's a trick."
"yup, it is."
the red chair wrapped her up
the radiator sang out
I popped open the wine
with a Nike shoelace
a trick I learned on the internet
she pulled out her paints
one by one by one by one
then revealed a canvas
hidden behind the bookcase
"think I'll paint over this one"
"don't do that"
"then buy it from me."
"I'm broke."
"I'll take a million bucks"
she filled my coffee cup with wine
or blood or crushed cherries
or something
I worked a rewrite over
hunting typos as she sang
let's spend the night together
neighbor knocking on the door
my foot stomping on the floor
"ignore the world, baby
thursday nights are for you and me"
"I know that," she said,
pushing her long hair out of her eyes
right as Ruby Tuesday came on
we noticed
that age old thing
all our teeth purple
paint all over the records
my fingers hurting from bad typing
she opened up the window
and we climbed out
onto the shaky fire escape
and watched the snow falling
on 173rd street.
Slender works well in this. It's lovely.
Quite comfortably lovely. *
Hey! I wrote "lovely" right when Gary was posting his. No, we don't know one another.
thanks, guys. And sure, you guys know each other now, right?
Great energy.
(Not at all lovely, though.)
Great little narrative. Liked the form as well.*
Sensuous, visual and mesmerizing.
real nice
A story/poem. Nice, Bud. Love the end.
A story/poem. Nice, Bud. Love the end.
The piece moves well. The line phrasing pulls me down the page -
"I worked a rewrite over
hunting typos as she sang
let's spend the night together
neighbor knocking on the door
my foot stomping on the floor
'ignore the world, baby
thursday nights are for you and me'"
Good writing. Good way to close. I like the poem. *
"she filled my coffee cup with wine
or blood or crushed cherries
or something." Always enjoy your gritty take.*
<I>he filled my coffee cup with wine
or blood or crushed cherries
or something</I>
I love the surreal flow and imagery of this. The voice is great. fav.
fine
gorgeous!
Fave.
The line endings work in this off-kilter narrative. Fine work.*
like this much. very nice. cool. like the most, -the red chair wrapped her up" -that is such a perfect thing to say for some reason. great job. oh, and that is some of the best music ever also! that album and that side too. great poem here all the way through.
I want to see video of you opening wine with a Nike shoelace.
this sparkles; for me it creates a nice contrast between hectic New York City action, even at home, and leisurely snow falling; snow wins *
I really enjoyed this piece. For what it's worth the line that really struck me was the same one Brian mentioned. That, and the final image because it sounds as though they are apart from the city suddenly, somewhere above or free of it.
It all works so well, Bud. Fav*
thanks everyone. Appreciate the notes. mucho gracias.
The whole scene came alive as I read...all because of the skillful way it was written. *
Sweet. I like:
I leaned back in the chair
that I found in the garbage
cracked all my knuckles
except for the broken one
and said, "we'll still be here
when the sun comes up,
so, take a seat"
The cracking knuckles, the broken one, and the junk chair suggest resurrection and further define this work’s tone of grace. This piece is very comforting, very satisfying.
thanks everyone for the comments on this. Appreciate all of your input on the poem. Much obliged.
Awesome and beautiful. I want to go sit on a fire escape in the snow now. *
yes, yes. ***
Great shit man! *
bad typing sounds so bukowski