I'll walk your
rickety tree house bridge to the moon.
The frayed jute rails are comforting in the roughness
against the give and sway,
gives some form to fear.
But I can never get Florida to work
and as long as you have some snacks up there
I can be brave. The old oaks here have seen
so much. Do they see it all in time lapse?
Is 150 years a flash? Such storms, their
brothers cut down for lots.
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I saw Red Fez is having a submissions drive. Get thee...go. It reminded me they'd been so kind to publish this childlike poem - wow, a couple of years ago now.
This expands beautifully.*
No bumps. The wonderful phrasing makes this poem work, Sara. The imagery throughout is just right. I like.
Yes, very much like the phrasing and odd juxtapositions of words. "The frayed jute rails are comforting in the roughness" is a wonderful, wonderful line. Nice work *
Something about this reminds me of Moonrise Kingdom. Have you seen it? *
Magical *
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Oh, yeah.*
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If this be "childish" I ain't never gonna even try to do any derivative verse ever, ever again! *
You folks are too damn sweet. Thanks for reading.
Charlotte, I have not seen Moonrise Kingdom, but I just found the trailer. How did I miss this? I will watch. Thank you.
Beautiful, Sara. The composition, especially makes it all the more magical.
A tree gives a platform to tree thoughts. Quite a passage. :) I like the movement from personal to general yet intimate.
Yeah *
"The frayed jute rails are comforting in the roughness"
Nice!
Nice and compact--a nifty little poem.
takes me on a journey
Real poetry. *
I feel like it could be a song as well as a poem. The line "But I can never get Florida to work" has that kind of mental stickiness, it stays with the reader and it replays.
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