Escalation

Love the beat of this...very well-paced...has a lazy, calming feeling...if that makes sense. Your story makes me want to be where your characters are.

Great form ... fusing the syntax, which is quite life-like, into a free and formal structure. A paradox. This piece turns art / artifice / artificial on its (their) ear – and I love it when that happens. Art, by its very nature - as is present in the vast majority of poems that appear here at FN and elsewhere ... my work included ... is/ must be artificial. That’s not a put down in any way – just the facts as Joe Friday would say. The piece on paper can only be a percentage of ... and in most cases a fraction of ... the work that is in the head. Artificial.

But here – here you capture the real moment. Gary Snyder writes a great deal like this. And has used this form.

This piece, for me, is a conversation overheard. Eavesdropping ... catching some of it, missing some – then putting the whole together in my mind.

Especially like these lines:
"Pour me another, keep talking.
4am. Still here. Electric fingertips touch."

It's a poem, and a good one. Story? - of course. But poem? - yes, yes. Fav.

This is buzzing. It's alive with feeling, both emotional and sensual. Nice job.

exquisite piece. i'd love it already for the mathematical progression at its structural centre, but it's also sweet and clever, getting cleverer as it moves along. enjoyed this very much!

Excellent use of form, and neat writing too!

"Dawn dapples your shoulder; I kiss the light."

Very sensual and cool, and I love the language! *

"I'll show you yours if you show me mine." great line.

Nice form and quick read. Good job on happening 55 words.

Masterpiece. Absolutely love it! Music between the sheets. Uh-huh.

Satisfying, reprehensibly satisfying, this. fave

I'm new to the site and still learning all the amazing ways authors structure their work. Your pyramid was very engaging. It did not suffer from the form you used at all. So often works that depend so heavily on this kind of framework can sound stilted. You certainly avoided this. Escalation was both clever and touching.

Amazing, Michelle.

Just lovely and I agree with everyone's comments!

For some reason I envisioned a long cool glass of water... it's got that late in the summer, dappled shadows, butterflies flitting, the couple hidden from view. *

meant to end that sentence with "feel to it."

I like this a lot, Michelle - it's clean, sexy, and pulls you in.

Brilliant - great title, great structure, just great writing. Fab, Michelle!

Very original prose poem / Micro fiction, Michelle -- I love the "line count" format. This line signifies that it was, indeed, one-long-night: "I'll show you yours if you show me mine."

love the form, lovely piece. *

I'm grinning broadly as I think about the piece. Moving on several levels. And I can't not comment on "you show me mine and I'll show you yours" – a delightful perspective on things well beyond the immediate.

Very cool story/poem, love the images and how strong they speak to the reader-- this is sexy and romantic