Capitalism in the electronic age

 

I was making money selling fat clothes on eBay.

They weren't my clothes, of course. But I'm entrepreneurial, and now that I'm a mentor too — my latest book, Making the Most of Extremely Little, retails for A$12.79, purchaseable only from my website, with a great deal on postage and packaging — I thought I would share with you my unique story and its valuable lesson.

Flattery can get you a lot of places.

It's true. I carefully cultivated the friendships of a lot of fat people: on the bus, in the street, at Pizza Hut. Usually I'd seal the friendship by buying them coffee or a quadruple cheeseburger with a double order of French Fries and a skinny salad on the side.

Then I would say to my new friends, “My God, look at all the weight you've lost.” Even when they hadn't lost any. Even when they were fatter than before.

Then I would encourage them to get a new wardrobe. “You're shrinking before my eyes,” I'd say. “You need an entire new wardrobe.” So they would buy more clothes. Which made them happy.

So then I'd buy their old clothes for a rock bottom price — or for nothing — and sell them on eBay to fat Americans.

Sometimes I would sew a kangaroo on them somewhere to exoticise them. Fat Americans go for that.

Of course I was so successful I spent all day at the computer and became so fat I started to wear the clothes myself. But I hacked into this amazing diet on the Mossad website and I'm starting it tomorrow.

And that neatly brings me to my next point: you are what you wear.