by Mark Reep
“How's the Pinto running?” Sean says. It's been awhile. Maybe Darcy won't remember him.
She's emptying the trashcan at the coffee counter. She ties the bag's drawstring, straightens. “Fine, last I knew.”
Sean likes the sound of that.
She tucks her hair behind her ear, looks at the register: “Pump Four? Twenty dollars?”
“Yeah.”
She taps keys, tucks his twenty in the drawer.
He takes a shot. “Sorry things didn't work out.”
She gives him a look, bangs the drawer shut. “Like it's any of your business.”
Sean spreads his hands, sorry. “You're right. Just hoping.”
“You mean fishing?”
“Yeah, I should've just asked. —So, you dumped Pinto Boy, huh? That been better?”
“Pinto Boy?” She might be amused.
“While I'm rollin',” Sean says, “would you like to go out sometime?”
She shakes her head. “I'm keeping to myself right now.”
Sean's heard that before. “Sure,” he says. “Well, good seein' you.”
She nods. “I don't know your name.”
“Sean,” he says.
The backdoor opens, a blonde woman comes in. Drops a clipboard on the counter, rubs her hands together. “Dang it's cold. You wanna do the front pumps? I'll watch the register.”
Darcy's pulling on a battered leather jacket.
“Hey, be good,” Sean says.
She's dragging the garbagebag. “Can you hold the door?”
“Lemme,” Sean says, and reaches for the bag.
“I got it.” She's so close. Her hair smells good.
The blonde woman laughs a smoker's laugh. “A gentleman. Let him have it, girl.”
Darcy lets go, straightens. “All yours.”
“Whoa,” Sean says. “Whatcha got in here, engine blocks?”
The blonde likes that too. Maybe he should ask her out.
—————
Sean's in the truck digging for his keys when Darcy comes out with the clipboard. She crosses to the pumps— No, she's coming to the truck. Sean rolls down the window.
“Izzair a problem, Offisher?”
She smiles a little, shakes her head. Writes something, hands him a Quikfill coffee card. He turns it over. Darcy. A cell number.
“Thank you,” Sean says.
“For what, exactly?”
“For takin' a chance. You'll not regret it. My word.”
She studies him. She'd make a good poker player. A bat flits across the pumplights, there and gone.
“Okay,” she says. She steps up onto the island.
Sean finds the truck key. The starter grunts. The Check Engine light blinks. Come on, start.
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A followup to 'Blue Pinto', also published in Word Riot. Again, my thanks to fiction editor Kevin O'Cuinn. One of my goals as an editor is to become as beneficial to work with as he is. I've got a long way to go.
This story has no tags.
Does short fiction get any better? No. First Kathy's story, now yours. This is your basic truck stop masterpiece. Mind if I run a copy and frame it?
Great ending, Mark. I like the form. This story moves. Good piece.
Fave!
a spare yet dense piece, easy to read right up to the end, when it suddenly opens up and becomes almost painfully personal. Great pacing.
Well done, Mark!
The story is so well told. I love the interaction of these two, the hope he holds finally answered by the new hope she allows herself to have. Nice.
Really good. I like the pace of this, the back and forth, how the dialog is punctuated with slight, deft, and telling actions and observations (she taps the keys, Sean spreads his hands, she shakes her head). I appreciate the simple, uncluttered, straightforward prose, and how you do not overplay the moment, but let it play out naturally. Not one word too many here. Also, my first serious boyfriend drove me aroundi in one of those godawful cars.
Was also going to say, not sure you did it on purpose, but I like the compouds of "garbagebag" and ""pumplights." Fave
Thanks, guys. Much appreciated.
Jack- I'm floored. Thank you. High praise from a master, and so encouraging.
Kathy, thanks for your close reading, much appreciated. Not overplaying, paring back to the essentials is something I'm continuing to work to get better at.
Glad the compounds work for you too.
I'm always looking to sound more like we actually talk and think, and cutting, compacting, combining usually helps with that too.
Good story. Nice dialogue.
I really enjoyed this story, slice of life flash, Mark. Very natural character driven dialogue and details that strike just the right chord.
This is great. Can't win for losin'. Like a country song. I mean that as a compliment.
Matthew, Robert, Katie- Thanks!
Great vignette. Love the truck stop characters, the banter, the feel of it. Nice work.
Yes, damn it, YES!
Let's have more about these two, Mark.
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