by Mark Reep
The girl at the Quikfill's polite enough, no more. When Sean thanks her she says you're welcome but doesn't spare a smile. Hard to blame her, working here. They've probably been held up more than once by guys fitting his general description: White kid in a hoodie, broken nose, looked cold. Well, he can't do much about the nose, and he's too cold to lose the hoodie. Still, he'd like to see her smile.
Today gas is up again, and a rusty blue Pinto Sean's not seen before is nosed up to a gritty snowbank. The front grille's broken, the back bumper's drooping, and the Pinto slumps like it's tired. Sean checks his wallet, pumps ten dollars worth.
Inside, there's no line, just the girl— Darcy, a new uniform shirt says.
“No receipt,” he says. She nods. Her hair's pulled back, and Sean imagines undoing that clasp, dark curls falling around her face. She closes the drawer. “Was there something else?”
“Just curious,” Sean says, “but what's up with the old Pinto out front?”
She looks at him. “It's my boyfriend's.” Her green eyes are flat: What business of yours?
“What is that,” Sean says, “a '73, '74?”
“'74,” she says. “It's not for sale.”
Sean shakes his head, no, wasn't asking. “My uncle had a Pinto,” he says. “2300, four-speed stick. He taught me to drive, gave me the keys, and I put another sixty thousand on it. Good times. Reminded me, seeing this one.”
She nods. Glances at her watch, pulls keys from the register, on her way somewhere. He takes his cue.
“Don't see many Pintos anymore, is all,” he says. “Hope you guys're having fun with it.”
She says something, but a truck's jakebrake bellows. Sean turns in the doorway, cups a hand to his ear: “It's an awesome car,” she says, and for a moment her smile is big, real, unguarded.
10
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368 words
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Published in Word Riot. Fiction editor Kevin O'Cuinn was great to work with, and everything I've written since has benefitted too.
Update: A follow-up flash, 'Check Engine', has also been published in Word Riot.
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Nice story, Mark. Full of great details.
Great realism to the conversation, and a well-set scene!
Great success in turning a scene, and event, into a story by the subtle changes to the characters. Really well done.
Christian, Jenny, Susan- Thanks very much!
I loved this, Mark, it took me in from the first line and delivered me satisfied to the end.
Def fav
Thanks, Myra!
I am amazed at how much depth you are able to achieve in such a short piece. The dialogue and interaction between characters is flawless. And the ending -- beautiful.
First of all, "She couldn't spare a smile," is so telling. Then it loops around again and closes up the moment when she, in fact, does smile. Smart. I like it.
Like Stephanie, I like the way it begins and ends. I also love the way he describes himself, especially "looked cold" along with the "gritty snowbank" detail. And except for the exploding gas tank problem, Pintos are definitely "awesome" cars.
You can't ask for much more than to break through now and then. Love this.
Fav
Who knew a Pinto could be so interesting! Really nicely told story. Compact and it delivers so well.
Thanks, everyone, for your comments.
Much appreciated!
Somewhat familiar with the '74, though the one I knew went from 2nd to 4th after I was done with it.
Nice flash.
Thanks, George. I was a repeat offender- '74 & '77. Both automatics & fun little cars.
This is swift and tight, the way he reads her responses is dead on, and the ending is perfect.
My neighbor growing up had a blue Pinto, but I don't think it lasted as long as this one did.
Thanks, Neil. Much appreciated.
Love the end particularly. Sean is a good character.
Thanks, Bill. For anyone else who'd like to read more about these two, a follow-up, 'Check Engine', is up in the current Word Riot.
Great pacing in this piece, Mark. Your use of dialogue is very effective. Good writing.
Thanks, Sam!
I faved this one! My first car was a Blue Pinto.
I love that there's such a clear, perfect shift toward resolution in this piece:
“Don't see many Pintos anymore, is all,” he says. “Hope you guys're having fun with it.”
I read this and am inspired to write. * I'll check out 'Check Engine', too.