Midnight Riders

Nice piece for the challenge, Kim. I like the form - and especially like the second half.

Agreed. The form is excellent here. You create a exceptional degree of intimacy.

Very well done--I like the fact that this is about friends getting together. It all seems so normal except for the flight. Nice.

I like the inherent fun that’s in this piece. Nice writing here, and nice take on the prompt.

whimsical and playful. I longed to be part of this party. completely unexpected. Loved the last paragraph.

I like the stories that are coming out of this challenge and this is a good one, Kim. I like the one word sentences in the dialog and how imaginative a story you told in so few words.

tone, gesture, imagery, and dialogue -- so wonderfully crafted!

..the hostess opened the French doors to let the stars pass through the rooms..beautiful moment fully captured..perfect funny ending. Fave.

Wow!

Oh this is soooo lovely. Ethereal. I love the matter-of-factness over such an incredible event. Peace...

Excellent! Like these midnight riders a lot. Intriguing opening. Magical middle. Perfect ending.

"As they reached the heavens, the hostess opened the French doors to let the stars pass through the rooms"--beautiful. Puts me in mind of Calvino.

Fav!

Oh, a twenty star story, Kim. Maybe thirty. Just delightful. A great punch line, too, as a bonus.

Wow, my first 10+! Thanks everyone, for all the wonderful comments and faves!

I absolutely love this, Kim! A favorite for sure. I adore the apartment lifting away, only the Labrador noticing, the French doors opening to let stars into the rooms, the host captaining their journey, and later the laughing like children going over the balcony railing. If I could change anything, and this is only my own reaction, I would eliminate the last two lines and end on the beam of light, because that’s where the magic ended for me. Regardless though, I adore the piece.

Thanks for the suggestion, Kari. Always welcome...

So whimisical and original-- and of course the women wanted Venus and the men Mars-- it's a bloody miracle we ever agree on anything! I love how you set this up, the descriptions of the changing topography, sky, were just breathtaking. I want to go there
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Thanks, Susan! The last line seems to be a matter of debate, both here and on facebook. I love it when people get talking...

“Up,” said the host, and they drifted home on a tractor beam of light.

really, really lovely

Like this line: "...they cavorted and played for hours, sculpting, tasting, making moon angels."

Good use of the theme.

thanks for this beautiful + swift + light sunday day dream.

Nice ending!

"A moonbeam shone on the balcony. They felt a slight shifting under their chairs and heard a quiet scraping sound, then the apartment slid out from the building and lifted away." I love that this is no fuss, and written as though it is a perfectly natural thing to happen. Very smooth.

I never get what Fnaut is about, so you can ignore my feedback, no worries. I'm just trying to make a draft better. You write well, or I wouldn't even do this: So, my 2 cents.

1. A little line editing.

Cut "them" on the Labrador leash line.

2. Cut "up" from the cat curled line.

3. Finally, flash, to me, is often lost or found in the ending line. It is lost here, for me.

This is a tight, intelligent story. I'd re-think that ending. The book it references is reductive, easy, in a word, dumb.

I wouldn't lead us there. You obviously write well enough to lead us elsewhere.

Again, ignore my feedback if you wish. And good words here.

Sean

Great feedback, Sean! Thanks!

I agree with all that has been written above. Whimsical and original, quite delightful.

I do, however, agree with Sean about the very last line. It didn't work for me either, brought it too definitely into the realm of real world stuff.

I think it would be more powerful if the piece ended with "they couldn't agree with a destination."

I think everyone would naturally flash on that Venus and Mars stuff.

Thanks for the feedback Cherise.

“Up,” said the host, and they drifted home on a tractor beam of light.

I almost gave up on the story midway, though it's beautiful, in my mood for the real. The last line saves the story and sets it back on earth. The flight begins with moonbeam and ends with tractor beam.

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Thanks, Ann! So glad you took the flight...

"As they reached the heavens, the hostess opened the French doors to let the stars pass through the rooms. The light twinkled off the mirrors and glass tables."

This is just an amazing moment in the story, Kim. Good lord. Amazing.

Some dinner party! And only three bottles of wine. Imaginative writing, great visual details, enjoyed reading it very much.

Thanks, Sheldon and J.! So glad you liked it!

Magical, whimsical, wholly enjoyable! Please let me take this pad out for a spin. *.

Thanks, Frank! Maybe someone will be inspired to build one someday...

Beautiful.

Thanks, Catherine!

Very nice pace and playfulness--especially love the domestic details of the lab and curled cat. What fun!

Thanks, Chelsea!