by Kim Conklin
“Hello?” he inquired politely.
A dial tone was the only response. It had been so long since the telephone had rung, he'd forgotten the sound. Undaunted, he picked it up every few minutes and asked: “Hello?”
One of these days or nights, someone would be there.
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51 words
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This came to me while working this morning. For the 52/250 Lucky Number week.
Published in A-Minor: http://aminormagazine.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/three-stories-2/
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a kafkaesque scene wouldn't it be for "politely" and "undaunted"-i'm thankful for these attributes. very effective characterisation and so much sad backstory it's weighing me down.
An episode from the twilight zone in 55 words, with a possible sequel where someone is there to answer him.
Like any good existential story, there is no real ending. Just isolation. *.
Thanks, all for the great comments! J. Mykell, a sequel is an interesting idea! Hmm....
Marcus, didn't mean to weigh you down! And Frank, I find our moments of isolation (we all have them) some of the most telling and interesting.
Nice! Beware of the phone—it’s not always good when someone is on the other end.
LOL! Not really much of a phone person, myself! Thanks! Glad you liked it!
A really close view of a moment. Well done, Kim. Good piece.
Thanks, Sam! That means a lot.
yes, concise but with such weight. delicate and so sad.
Thanks, Julie. I guess isolation is delicate and sad. What a great way to describe it.
It's a whisperingly concise piece about loneliness and a fave--
Really nice, Kim. Lots of feelings come through, real ones.
Very hard hitting, all that loneliness, all in a few sentences. Well done, Kim.
That's a lot of story in a very tiny space.
V. sad. Give me his # and I'll call. Fav.
Short, simple, and good.
The "politely" in the opening sentence kills me. That's the indirection that really really makes this special.
A slice of terror, quite Kafka-esque
*
Thanks for all the great comments and the faves!
Bill, glad you liked "politely." That means a lot.
A very original way to say "lonely". These thought-probes (Marshall McCluhan) are powerful -- especially for tomorrow's readers.
Thanks, Ramon! Thoughtful comment.
a lonely place to be, waiting for that ring.
I LOVE this.
Well if this isn't sad as hell. Right up my alley. Nice.
Thanks, guys! So glad you liked it!
Oh this just echoes and opens out into a world of longing and loneliness, Kim. Great work.
Thanks so much, Kathy!
I second the Twilight Zone comment. Very creepy. Very end-of-the-world. Madness in one paragraph.
Terrific in its sadness, Kim.
Thanks, AJ and Kari!
Someone said that's a lot of story in such a small space. I agree. Nice.
Thanks, Stephanie. Glad you liked it.
Nice moment, Kim. Lots of humanity in a few words.
I second Bill - about the "politely" - it's a wonderfully telling detail. And Susan's comment, very Kafka-esque!
Belated thanks for the comments, Carol and Cherise! Glad you liked it!
Ah yes, quite existential. Love this.
Thanks, Jeff!