Things I Learned But No Longer Believe

by Bill Yarrow

Shakespeare had red hair
Van Gogh never painted a nude

Apollinaire was a pornographer
Satie wore corduroy suits

Schiller sniffed moldy apples
Edward Lear colored trees

Balzac used a raven's quill
Hamsun survived TB

Sherwood Anderson was a Zionist
Zane Grey was a doc

Radiguet owned land in Lebanon
Mencken lived in hock

Groucho read Eliot's eulogy
Thackeray seduced his maid

Dahlberg's dog was Mala
Rimbaud's buried in Marseilles

Joyce was allergic to chocolate
Melville played the sax

Hart Crane had wet dreams
Chandler spayed his cats

Woolf posed naked for Freud
Goethe was four feet tall

D.H. Lawrence voted for Eisenhower
Borges owned a mall

Chekhov carted oysters
Stendhal sweated art

Poe had a canary named Ligeia
Flaubert stole Baudelaire's heart