She wants to be an apple on a stick, a mop and handle, a brain attached to bones. She is glazed and smiling, fingernailing toward dust, but more importantly, perfection. Since multivitamins and biotin are enough to sustain her active lifestyle, she will eat half an apple before she runs into the streets filled with asphalt rumbling Tejano and eyes that hold her too long. Half-moon pupils on oily skin, and she swallows against coffee and mushrooms in her throat.
She can feel herself losing it. She is a hot road, air bending into puddles as she pinches and pulls—hair, thigh, shirt. Somewhere there is a memory; mirage, mirror, admire, mire. Make my tummy go two forty-six. Skipping rope with eight year olds and punching herself in the leg while pissing; she can wiggle she can wobble—but that's just it, isn't it.
Once, something horrible happened. More specifically, something horrible happened to her and she doesn't know it but it isn't her fault that she is any of the things people whisper. She keeps trying to origami into spaces, but look—an ankle, an ear. Her voice is too loud and her clothes are all wrong and you have to know you have to know you have to know it is someone's fault. It is her fault. It is—is not—is is.
Love the end!
sweet lord tia is back--
this, amazing--becketty gem
small and potent
kicked me
Wow! A great piece - so energetic & full of life. Bravo!
Tia, admirable writing in this short piece. It constructs itself in language until it is about something. As far as fault goes -- her striving for perfection fingernailing toward dust -- it seems there is an agency outside the story, someone or thing she dares not blame.
*
i love this.
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She is glazed and smiling, fingernailing toward dust..she swallows against coffee and mushrooms in her throat..punching herself in the leg while pissing;She keeps trying to origami into spaces.These images are fantastic and keep the piece alive and lively!
Nice people!
Good form to this. Really nice cadence. Interesting how you handle the tense and person. You virtually achieve an inner voice.
This is just too, too fine. Either it's absolutely brilliant or totally bizarre. I'm not an expert, but I'm leaning toward the brilliant ... because I really like it and would like to think I'm not crazy.
Wow, Tia. Just wow. It's so good.
Tia,
I love the wild energy of this. I also love making language original, which you do extremely well. I particularly like the old Shakespearean pyrotechnic making nouns into verbs ("fingernailing toward dust" and "trying to origami into spaces") but I'm not sure a piece this short can support two such instances.
Just a thought.
"that's just it, isn't it?" Better to my eyes with a question mark.
your inventive use of language pushes boundaries (way to origami origami into a verb) with great energy -- and yet, i think i love most the last line, which sounds like a car stalling, as if she's run out of gas: It is - is not - is is.
Favorite
Love the 2nd POV and the fragmented bird-in-flight voice. Fav.
"She keeps trying to origami into spaces"...Wow, that is hot. Perfect.
Peace ~ Rene
"Somewhere there is a memory; mirage, mirror, admire, mire." Wonderful way with language. Great ending. Love the whole damn thing.
Excellent, Tia!
Great form, great piece, Tia.
So many strong, interesting images make this absolutely delicious.
nice raw grimy
painful (in the good way) and interesting. what's even more impressive is there are so many stories about girls like this, and yet this one stands out. good job.
There's such inertia in your prose. This is my favorite - "Skipping rope with eight year olds and punching herself in the leg while pissing; she can wiggle she can wobble—but that's just it, isn't it."
Hey! You are a freight train. Love "origami" as a verb. Good to read you.
I love the level of insecurity I read in this piece, how the character seems to force herself into assumed molds. And how well you capture that.
I'm going to steal Gary's "becketty-gem" here....what a read!
WOW this is marvelous. The language, the character, the energy. Perfect in so many ways.
And this:
She keeps trying to origami into spaces, but look—an ankle, an ear.
Knocks me out, that one.
* indeed!
Breathtaking stuff. Slams, hard.