Pit Stop
by Shelagh Power-Chopra
When I hit the dog, Abe screamed like one of those girls in a Japanese horror movie—a shrill wail that went right through my skin. I didn't feel much as I got out of the car, I was more annoyed at the scream, the icy air around us and our eventual destination—his parents, the club, small talk, all that drunken insignia.
I looked sideways at him as he examined the dog, patting its stomach, stroking its back, searching for signs of life. The dog was certainly dead, one ear was torn off and you couldn't make out much of its face; it looked like one of those old family photos where there's something blurry in the background, something you really can't make out.
“It's dead,” was all I said but Abe was insistent and tugged at my sleeve. He had on this ridiculous trench coat, it was too big and hovered over his shoulders like a grim raincloud. I pulled it off his back and threw it over the dog—but you could still see it's hind legs, isolated as if in mid run. I felt a swift jab to my gut, as if Abe had punched me, as if the road had suddenly narrowed, washed itself out, leaving only dirt and bone.
Pleasantly harsh, where sentiment is bypassed in favor of the reaction that comes out of nowhere , feeling-- that blunt instrument.
The ultra-reality here is really good, I believe this story, and the way it turns at the end was a surprise but done with a certain poetic twist that made it poignant, and kind of played with the readers emotions
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Thanks, David, for all your kind comments.
Thank you, Susan! Had a hard time with the ending and it may not just be right as yet!
This is excellent, and absolutely perfect for the prompt.
"...but you could still see it's feet, isolated as if in mid run." Striking imagery in this one. *
Thanks Lou, appreciate your comments and I like your name, perfect name for an author.
Thank you, Kim!
Well done, Shelagh. Love the interaction between these two characters.
Thank you, Susan! Still iffy about this one, don't be surprised if I revise shortly!
i love the compression and how simple it is, yet it reels me in. I love what you have me notice.
Thanks so much, Meg!