Bus Ride
by Shelagh Power-Chopra
Pretty boy's dolling up again. I sit behind him on the bus, watching him the entire ride, sliding his yellow comb through his velvety bangs, his longs legs propped up on the vinyl seat. Brett's in the middle—a chubby kid, loose aviators, kicking back on his duck taped seat. He plays Journey real loud, his silver boombox vibrating on the rubber floor. Bob drives the bus, steady slow like he's in a trance, Cal says he's stoned, smells it on him when he boards. Bob's a tiny old man—a squiggly line behind the wheel. He wears pristine white t-shirts, has no hair, a low light beard like an elf hanging onto his chin. He lives behind the cranberry bog, lives in a dark Ranch with a stupid dog. Every winter after it freezes up, we kids go skating there—Bob watches us from the window, wagging his finger, chastising us through the cold. A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume. I drank wine once with an tenth grader, a boy with loose curls and slippery gums. He stole it from his mother's car, it was dark and smoky, Sherrrrry! he said like a little boy ratting on his sister. We got pretty drunk and I woke up in his dark gold basement, his doughy head under my arm. Pete's running down the aisle with a plastic butter knife, smiling at the girls, Sarah, be my bloody valentine! My bloody valentine! He grabs her, turns her around in his elbow, holds the knife to her throat and he shrieks a wallopy, dirty cry. Bob stop the brakes real short and screams at Pete, sit down, you idiot! Pete is pale, he lets Sarah go. Sarah blushes, reels back in her seat, she's a mermaid now, legs all fish. Pretty boy looks over at me and grins, got a smoke? he asks. He and the homecoming queen broke up last summer, and it was like he lost an arm. Sometimes I see him on the school track doing figure 8s in the sand with his dirt bike. His eyes get small from the sun glaring through the windows—like an old drunk squinting up at the world, draining all his cuteness for a quick minute. I give him a Marlboro red, it's bent and stale but he takes it anyway. Brett changes the music: ...An' I'll run in the rain 'til I'm breathless, When I'm breathless I'll run 'til I drop, hey! It's Shane's favorite, Brett knows this but she's gone, left the island, moved ashore. Brett shouts out, I wanna go swimming, I wanna swim ashore, get the fuck outta here! and we all laugh—it's cold out there, the tourists gone, the dingies tied up and Bob slams the breaks again, flips open the door, go for it, you idiot! And Brett looks at us all wild eyed and scared, the song's going crazy now, Robert Plant moans inside whistles and calypso drums and Brett runs out, breaks the shore with his dirty boots and overalls and flops down, the water easing softly round his down coat. We watch him, watch the seagulls cry nearby, watch the ocean, the wide open sea where the whales once roamed and we all sigh at the expanse of it all, knowing we're stuck. We're stuck.
Favorites: squiggly line, "He lives behind the cranberry bog, lives in a dark Ranch with a stupid dog," "loose curls and slippery gums" - but I love it all.
Love.
Boudreau, thank you!
The ending: Near a vast expanse of ocean, but stuck, a small town, still. I like this and the way the entire piece built to this. I really felt like I was on that bus! And oh the memories: Journey, etc. *
Love, love this voice Shelagh. It's strong and consistent. I can hear this narrator. There's such music to those last two lines and really, all of this. Really good details too. Great. *
Good, good, good. Loved this story. Love the ending. Stuck...stuck. Ouch.
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Thanks, Kathy, quenby & jack, appreciate your comments...!
Great details and wonderful voice. I too liked the slippery gums, the bent and stale Marlboro. The dusty figure 8s. I know stuck, and this captures it well!
Chelsea, thanks so much! appreciate you reading my stuff.
Good one, Shelagh. The bus like a tin box of chaos.
Love the internal thoughts and just really everything about this. So, so good. *
Thank you, Jules!
David, I do remember those bus rides were hellish...& thanks!
this is a terrific narrative voice...agreed. And brought to life time/place quite vividly...adolescent energy and angst, the ride to nowhere. Loved this line, "Sometimes I see him on the school track doing figure 8s in the sand with his dirt bike." Says it all...oh, and Bob the Busdriver rocks!
Such a fine read...the details are scintillating--such a treat!
Bob really was my bus driver, but younger. Smoked like a fiend, shouted and blared the radio. Thanks so much, Doug!
Thanks so much, Tim!
..We got pretty drunk and I woke up in his dark gold basement, his doughy head under my arm..beautiful construction of sentences. The whole thing packs a nice wallop.Cool!
This is such a great read. Wonderful writing – really serves the scene.
Lovely story, great use of POV ad voice. Echoes of childhood are so strong. I think Bob the busdriver might reprise in another story? *
Fabulous voice, energy, style to this, you got it all here, soooo good!
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Thank you, everyone, really appreciate you guys reading it!
i love this and the end especially potent. This is a seriously winning piece, you capture this viscerally in a huge way here... and we can't let go.