I Cant Do This Anymore
by sara t.
If you'd put your
Hands upon
My face
I would say
This is a lie
And you'd say
What is
And I'd answer
This, this is a lie
Your eyes
Looking deeply
Into mine
The warm air
Between us
And if you would
Try to kiss me
I would say
It's a lie
It doesn't mean
Anything this
Only that my lips
Are ripe and soft
And you need
To feel them
And you would sigh
Saying why
Ruin this moment
And I would answer
That too is a lie
The moment
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The music of the poem is really nice - the use of s and l and i. Well done, Sara.
At first I read line 10 as a typo ... “This, this is a lie / Your eyes / Looking deeply” ... but there's another way to read that I find interesting – “This, this is a lie / Yours (and an understood comma) eyes / Looking deeply” ... There's a repeat of this form later in the piece – “It doesn't mean / Anything this / Only that” - I don't think it's a typo, and for me it works. I wouldn't change a word or line. I like the way the short jolting lines pull the reader through - That too is a lie / The moment
Good piece.
Thanx Sam, your words are appreciated. But that (yours) IS a typo, which i will fix right now!
flows very well, great read. great moment, great title. love it.
This is lovely, Sara. Sensual, evocative, lyrical.
Wow Finn, Marcelle, thanx so much for your lovely words!
Love it. Love the ending. Love the girl. Hate the guy.
Oh Jack! Thanks for your comments. I dont hate the guy, you guys r just that way, u cant help it!!!!!lol
excellent title, subject, and use of form here, Sara!
Julie, thanx so much for the comment and the Fave!
Emphatic, rhythmic, lovely.
Thanx Martha!
"I would say
This is a lie
And you'd say
What is
And I'd answer
This, this is a lie
Your eyes
Looking deeply
Into mine
The warm air
Between us"
Wonderful! Very moving.