Charlie Hancock missed the bus. Started walking.
Charlie Hancock boarded the bus, sat in a seat in the back, the same seat he always chose.
He didn't stop anywhere or talk to anyone, just kept walking.
He looked around at the familiar faces, the ones he saw every evening on the Number 9, felt a pang of guilt — but only a small pang.
Out past the town line, to where Main Street turned to gravel and then dirt.
He remained calm as the bus came to a stop at the corner of Pine. He slid down low in his seat and waited for the next passenger.
He came to a field, sat under the shade of a large oak and began to cry.
Sweat beaded his brow as he watched the man board the bus — this man whom he'd planned to follow home and shoot for all the right reasons.
He pulled out the gun, tossed it far as he could, forsaking revenge.
But on this night the man was carrying a bundle which cooed and smiled while he paid the driver.
Then Charlie wiped his brow, stood up and walked toward the grassy spot where the gun had fallen. There's always tomorrow, he thought. Tomorrow I might not miss the bus.
And Charlie, losing all resolve for all the right reasons, decided then and there against revenge.
7
favs |
1094 views
10 comments |
233 words
All rights reserved. |
written for 52|250's theme, Missed the Bus. Had a lot of fun with this one. Thanks for reading, folks. Thanks for everything in 2010, in fact. Here's to 2011.
this is wonderful. it has the sound of something much older, chaucer comes to mind. chaucer plus gun. the form works well for me - story winds up its own hill in carefully constructed serpentines to that marvelous last sentence.
Very creative and suspenseful and amazing flash. Love how your mind works. *
Couldn't let this pass by without giving it a big round of applause. Great concept, the vaguaries of all the combinations if one night is first what is the final outcome, is it different if it is the other one. Reminds me in a way of your Pi in the Sky - not in treatment but in that skewered way of looking at things that is very akin to what I like to do and read. Bravo!
I like the interspersing of the outer and inner narrative. Well done, Michelle!
*
Loved it at the 52/250, and happy to have the chance to give it a *.
Love what you’ve done with the theme!
Yes, agree with Jack. Such a creative piece. Nice take on the theme, Michelle.
Love. Agree fully about the outer and inner narrative.
Great, inventive form and execution, Michelle. I love that last sentence. Fave.
Hey thanks everyone -- glad to be back here after disconnecting for a while around the New Year. Hope to see more and more of you all in 2011.