She reclines in her window seat, sees the starboard prop whirring superfast, looking slo-mo. She closes her eyes and drifts back to yesterday, the last day of everything, 80-hour work-weeks, devoted dull boyfriend, pet cat (a gift) she secretly hates. She brings her thumb to teeth, gnaws where there's nothing left to gnaw, sorrowful nails bitten down to nothing. She feels ugly but ready for anything.
The wheels touch down and she gathers her things, spits cuticle out the side of her mouth, thp. She steps out into air so hot she's sure she'll never be able to breathe here. Then she inhales deeply and instead of feeling oxygen hitting lungs, she tastes it -- floral and citrus, sweaty and sweet. The first breath is as miraculous and jarring as the one she took some thirty-three years back. She almost cries out, too: the punch of this new world hits her hard.
She wanders along Main Street, spots the trademarked arches garish and gold against this landscape, jutting up amongst dusty buildings and peeling paint -- an echo of her old world. She longs for its familiar cool, then spies a small market across the street. Locals laugh, handle fruits she's never seen or heard of. She goes to the first long table, eyeballs a knobby thing, large and green, asks a dark woman with droopy breasts and happy eyes, "Quest-ce que ce?" The woman answers, "Breadfruit, love." She picks it up, smiles, thinks she'll give it a try.
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for the first 52|250 challenge: Breadfruit.
Good study in character in a small space, Michelle. Especially like "Then she inhales deeply and instead of feeling oxygen hitting lungs, she tastes it -- floral and citrus, sweaty and sweet." Nice work.
Wonderful Micro writing; in 250 words, I feel like I've been on a trip. You hooked me in your second sentence: " . . . the last day of everything." That will ring a bell with many readers and, hopefully, some editors. The second paragraph has an image that nailed my mind to the wall: ". . . spits cuticle out the side of her mouth, thp."
Writing like this invites a couple of rereads; the short-short fiction writer's best friend.
I can see, feel and I would taste the breadfruit I am sure too, Michelle, if the story had gone on.
I agree with everything Ramon said! Loved it - have faved. Let's get this story on the first page where it belongs!
Great piece that hits every one of the senses!
Wonderful character study done so tightly! Big star.
Great flash, Michelle!
Nice flash. Great use of the prompt.
she feels ugly but ready for anything. thp. a knobby thing.
i love how you've threaded this, how it moves, its completeness. so nice, michelle.
Great work, Michelle. The imagery in this is exquisite!
Thanks for the generous comments and close readings, everyone! I really like these tight character studies.
What a tease you're. I want more. ;-) Loved it, loved it.
Aw, thanks, Lou! Nice to see you around here!
Tight, this is. Punchy.
Nice and charming.Love the spit of the cuticle.Thp.That's very cool. Up,smiles,thinks she'll give it a try.Me too.
Lou's right, a tease this is, even though she said you, I'm sure she prolly meant this. It (the story, eh?) begs to be laid out like a longshoreman's dream. Don't as me to explain that ... what I meant was ... it needs to be bigger, eh? Longer. A novel. I'd pay money to read a novel like this. Right off the shelf and not from Amazon. Really.
Gorgeous word painting!
Thanks, Ajay, Darryl, James, and Beate! Very encouraging! I am enjoying all the flashing round here. :)
"the punch of this new world hits her hard"--really nice, Michelle. I like this piece.
The story will work (and get stronger, in my opinion) without the last line.
Wonderful!
"She feels ugly but ready for anything"
"the punch of this new world hits her hard"
a gift-cat she secretly hates!
Great stuff here, Michelle
I love your character. I want to have a drink with her.
Thanks, Bill, Susan, Claire! So glad you liked those details, Susan, and I think some of your characters and my characters could have a drink, Claire!
And Bill, thanks for that suggestion, will think on that a bit. I liked the idea of her trying something new - that's what this piece is about, turning a corner, etc. But you might be right, maybe it's overstated?? Thanks, I always appreciate suggestions like this, ways to rework something.
"She goes to the first long table, eyeballs a knobby thing, large and green, asks a dark woman with droopy breasts and happy eyes, "Quest-ce que ce?"
Glad I caught up with this piece. You capture the feeling of foreigness in one lovely sentence. Very nice. *