by Jerry Ratch
Sitting at an outside table at the Bassett Café
on West Broadway, I remember, in the background
always the Twin Towers behind me
in the photographs from that time
And the sparrows in New York, bolder than anywhere
working over the scraps left on the tables
even as we sat there
unafraid
flying off with them to their nest
behind the streetlight
Or sometimes begging from a business man
at a table two tables away
“She's hungry,” I said. The bird, head cocked
waiting for something to fall, or to be given
The grumpy business man saying
“Must not be a working bird”
And as in any nightmare
or bad and oily daydream
he gets up and
flies away
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memories of New York City, before the loss of innocence.
I dig this, man. Suggestion, if I may...I read this the second time and left the last line out, let it end with "he gets up and flies away." It kinda worked for me.
Your imagery and form here are very effective. The lines work well.
I do agree about the last line. "he gets up and flies away" is a stronger ending. For me the title of the poem makes the final line not needed. But even if the title were changed, I think the penultimate line here is such a great way to leave the piece.
I like this poem.
Sam and Sheldon,
You know, I think you guys are right. I'll try that.
Thanks!
Jerry
I was thinking of the final line as one line - but using it as two adds so much force to the 2nd half of the poem. I really like the physical movement of the lines toward the end. Very effective to the eye. That also adds a different layer to the ear when read aloud. Using no ending punctuation throughout is the right call.