Like Water
by Jen Knox
There are no hands outstretched, no reassuring words when I fall. My body becomes liquid, like Bruce Lee said, only it's not quite water. I close my eyes and am back in my room, practicing, knowing that next time the boys won't knock me to the ground. Next time my hands will move so fast their eyes won't know where to settle. I will block blows and twist their arms into pretzels, but I will let them go.
My body is seizing now. I am sinking into the floor, spreading on the linoleum. No one is supposed to be here, but I feel pressure. I am water, and I am earth. There is nothing more pristine.
My father's fist pounds my chest. The pills tickle the ground as he kicks them away. His “Why, Son? Why?” jars me, makes my legs heavy again, not like air, not fluid, and I open my eyes. The world is solid, bright. There are boys waiting for me at school. They're still there, and I need more training. I studied Jeet Kune Do, practiced all summer. I thought I was ready, but when I saw them today, I turned home.
I want to tell Dad why, explain, but he won't stop. And when I sit up, coughing, stomach upside-down, I begin to cry. I become a lake, a river, a stream, an ocean that will one day be able to move anything, anyone. I just need more time.
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Author's Note
I haven't posted here in a while, though I read and enjoy regularly. I revisited this piece recently when trying to tease out which stories I'll include in After the Gazebo. This one didn't make it in due to length, but I love this character and wanted to share him.
Originally in Flash Frontier's Rescued Issue.
Thanks, Michelle Elvy!
Oh what a heartbreaker. I love the idea of becoming fluid as a defense. I wish he'd tried his Jeet Kune Do and kicked their asses. Sad story, Jen. *
A chop to the heart, Jen. Intense and brilliant.*
Wonderfully layered piece.*
Intense and sadly beautiful. *
Gorgeous and so sad, yet your wonderful poetic prose cut deeply to the core. So nice to see your writing here, Jen! *
So intense. ***
I must swim against the grain here and say this amused the dickens out of me. Reminded me of my own yout', reading ads about the Charles Atlas courses and doing pushups and things for the very same reason your narrator studied "Jeet Kune do" (that made me laff out loud). Didn't work especially well for me, either, but it kept me busy.
Recently finished reading Saul Bellows's collected letters, and he went thru the same stage, albeit more successfully...he said. *
I was a 90 pound weakling--this got to me.*
Powerful. Very powerful.
Close to perfect I'd say. Good piece. And wow to the ending - "I become a lake, a river, a stream, an ocean that will one day be able to move anything, anyone. I just need more time."
*
Wow. Thank you all so much for reading, and for your notes. I wrote it after reading a particularly disturbing article on bullying. The concept of being like water BL promoted always intrigued me, esp. since I was such a nervous, rigid kid. Thanks again. xo
*
Sad story and more realistic than what we see in typical "bully" movies. Love the comparison to Lee's Jeet kune do philosophy. "*"
Thanks for reading, Kyle and Oliver.
* used this with a class to show difference between emotion and sentiment
Very fine. Intense emotion/sadness in a short, but full, narrative.
delicately sweeps the feet out so I'm flat on my ass
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Jane, Ed, Bud: Thank you! For reading and for your comments.