Esther
by Jeff Geiger
cool dark
wet drip
f a d i n g glow
brighterbrighter
illuminating the blue cave
but only the center not the exit
stony path snakes over
under
water
stalagmites stalactites
stalactites stalagmites
are natural jail bars in this mouth of madness
—but then—
another glow gets BRIGHTER
the moon is the pupil of the cave's eye
flotsam, and jetsam litter the spirit level like failed escapees
but she steps over the wooden bodies and night air warms her
rows of lumber stretch like fingers from the cave face into the water
she is the ghost that walks
clouds shift and blink the eye
she is still free
crossing the sandy flesh she runs her weak legs to the mountainside
day
rocks light
grass birds
more rubble than road but the horizon calls
to her left
this old house
a new landmark
but decayed life
wind and rotation move her along
a valley gully path direction
they point to a new eye
new color—red
on a new spire in a new city
lost and found
a new hope?
or old despair?
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Author's Note
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Seems to me like you're doing some interesting things here with space and line breaks and caps and all the good stuff. I got a little lost with some of the heavy lifting, but that's likely because accessibility is less a concern for a true poet. I'm just a storyteller. One who felt fortunate to find this on the list for reading today. Thanks.
Concrete poetry. I like the space you allow/provide and how it slows me down and speeds me up. A way to control the reader. And the word groupings, like clear water. Brighter is such an already bright word that the all caps seems too much - shouting? - in a piece that is otherwise thoughtful and quiet and mysterious.
Thanks! This is one of my earlier concrete poems so it is still a bit rough around the edges. I learned to be more conservative with the space tricks and save it for moments with more impact. Check out Exiled Realm and Wanderer and the Temple for more focused space play.
Suggestion - end on "on a new spire in a new city" instead of on the questions. Ending a poem with a question is asking a lot of a reader.
Some interesting elements here. I agree with Christine about the conclusion.