Eggshells
by J.B. Lacombe
The eggs got badder as the cook got madder, starting as adequately over easy but more scrambled as she cooked and the husband talked about himself and the boy just sat not helping, until the eggs were finally a mottled mess of chewy yellow and white and the cook thought eggs couldn't taste so gross but didn't eat anyway because the baby was screaming and why was no one picking it up, and that's when she took the rest of the carton of eggs and threw them across the room and then, just as frantically, grabbed a stack of clean dishcloths and sopped up the mess, threw the soiled cloths into the drum of the washing machine with the family looking at her with big, wide, scared eyes, and she would find eggshells in the clean laundry for weeks.
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I liked this lot. Before I got so damn old, I could have told you the literary form. I tried it only once but loved the feel of the endless voice. It’s tough to make it work but this is a fine example.
Great b-egg-inning,
Eggshellent ending.
Funny and real. Well played.
Well done--I like it! Dean--stream of consciousness? There's a whole story here with the past being hinted at, the present in a great state of ruckus, and the future foretold. Nice job.
Dean, Martha, Susan --- thank you for your kind words!
This is excellent. They really have no idea how fragile 'the cooks' are some days. And some days, how little it takes to break them. A fave, most def.
(It also reminds me of a poem I wrote - I'll give you a head's up if I post it)
Man, Martha stole my schtick. The opening line in the excerpt - how could I not read?
Wait, I don't see eggs-actly above! This is perfect for my late brunch.
Thanks, Lou! Love that you saw a connection between the eggs breaking and the narrator breaking (I didn't even think of that while writing it). Yes, please let me know if you post that poem. I'm new to F'naut and having a lot of fun reading everyone's work. Cheers.
Walter, I'm glad the first line got your attention! I hope your late brunch is eggs-traordinary, haha :)
Enjoyed this. There's a story in my ebook called "Eggshells," which is one reason why I had to check yours out to see what was up. It did not disappoint -- loved the zaniness of this one breathless, headlong 142 word sentence, replete with screaming babies and slimy egg innards...
~m
some call them the perfect food, others the perfect metaphor.
great energy throughout, and then that last line takes it to a whole new level. nice.
Yeah, that last line is a real nice touch.
Marc, Sara, and Jon, thank you for reading and commenting!
I love the pace of this culminating with the eggshells found in the washing for weeks to come. It seems to me to be a cover of something deeper that has happened, and the eggs going wrong were the last straw. Fav.
So edgy and ENERGIZED,I just love this, you could submit it as a flash or a prose poem. Terrific epiphany at the ending, really sums up the piece so well
fav
Myra and Susan, thank you for your comments! I'm so glad the story worked for you!
J.B. wonderful short piece/sentence. This is a good example of flash fiction. I truly feel the simmering and building frustration and anger of the cook here.
Very vivid. Makes me commiserate with the poor woman, because this is probably not the last time this sort of frustration will happen to bid-eyed audience.
Thank you, Beate! :)
So I could not resist even though it's way past my bedtime - I loved the title so I took a peek, and MAN I love this! I love the short wild ride here, and the breaking and beating and frantic underlying feel to almost every single word.
Will be back for more of JB Lacombe, soon!!
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Yay, to Michelle, for leading me to this piece. I love it. I love the long, crazy, meandering, hopping one-sentence structure. Very well done. *
Michelle and Kathy, thank you so much for your positive feedback --- it truly brightened my Monday! :)
"...she would find eggshells in the clean laundry for weeks."
Wow, what an ending! Nice work!