Six Points of Light/ Dark Star
by Jake Barnes
We were in Evie's apartment in Amsterdam. Evie, Johan, Katia--a Dutch girl who didn't shave her legs, Mary, and I. Mary and I were American tourists.
Katia didn't like me; I don't know why. Maybe because I didn't speak Dutch, so everybody had to speak English.
Johan was telling stories about the occupation. The Germans were stupid, he said. When they arrived, they interviewed everybody. The officer who interviewed him, Johan said, asked him if he was a Jew. Johan told him no; he was a Catholic. “Aha!” the Nazi said. “A Catholic Jew!”
Johan said he worked in a factory during the remainder of the war. They sabotaged the machines every chance they got.
I was standing by the fireplace as they talked, and I idly picked up a book from the mantel. As I did so, something fell out and fluttered to the floor. It was a six-pointed fabric star.
The room was silent until Evie cleared his throat and said, “Come on, come on, you people. Let Johan finish his story!”
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Author's Note
True story.
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It is amazing how much a few short paragraphs can say.
Maybe Katia didn't like you because you were staring at her hairy legs.
The cadence (voice cadence) in the story is so pleasing. The subject is also pleasing because that war is over and the description of the small ensemble, brief and with a sketch-like quality, is vivid. *
Wonderful. I'll say no more.
Deftly done.*
Packs a big punch.*
Strong work, Jake.
"I was standing by the fireplace as they talked, and I idly picked up a book from the mantel. As I did so, something fell out and fluttered to the floor. It was a six-pointed fabric star."
The piece stays with the reader. I like.
*, Jake. Such a wonderfully written vignette. What Ann Bogle said is so apt.
This is so much bigger than it is. Really well captured.
Read it written in one big paragraph, and then read it with the breaks here to understand what a real writer knows.
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The six pointed star is the star of the story--- very nice.
Especially like the details that seem to lead away from the tale and yet help to strangely centre it. How the past comes into focus through the fluttering star. Great story.
Thanks to all of you for your generous comments--and for the favs, too!
Nice job Jake. Glorious understatement and irony.
Glad I'm seeing this now. So well-told.
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Economical, judicious use of words. Just the way i like it.*
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