by J.A. Pak
and hello is all I got. To honestly say
stars are proofs in single limits of obsession
shining above and around and never at the
forgotten box of me—you're your own invention
loneliness a self-fertilizing seed you fostered
edging perfect clouds with topiary scissors
and we have never agreed
even remembering gates, you grabbing my hand
flesh burnt a skeleton song, your heart, your stars, you
flooding all of God's creation—where's the photo
of that? I'll see you—when will that be more than a greeting?
Go since I didn't forget and this is where you
mean goodbye and you never do; stop at hello.
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to honestly say to you now. Once I would have
written a single limited edition book
on a whole forest full of leaves about the stars
shining above and around you just to prove that
these were the only ones I looked at real close and
personal in my life. But that has become too
lonely of a profession even for me to
endure. But those same perfect clouds now hang drooling
in tatters out of the basement's banished corners
in forgotten boxes like dead paper fish kites,
folded into frozen statues like dropped clocks. But
I have never agreed with you about this, any,
I never will. I'll see you is as good a new
grown greeting as you're likely to get from me. But I
remember opening the gates and you standing
there firm in the dirt, toothily smiling like a
skeleton key about to turn on all the charm
in the universe, only it was my world, my
room, my heart, my stars, even if I didn't know
it, in danger of becoming a flooded path.
There's no return engagement. But I've finally
put my hand back in my photograph. But that's all.
But I'm going. But you weren't supposed to forget.
But is this where we mean goodbye? But I dream on.
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I felt Darryl Price's "Hello Is All There Is" needed an accompanying piece like a duet of sorts.
With Darryl's kind permission, I've put his poem below mine for reference. Wish there was a way to post it side by side.
Wow.*
Stands very nicely on its own, a remarkable work.
What a great idea! And beautifully executed.
Beautifully constructed. Lovely language throughout. And welcome to Fictionaut, J.A. *
Incredible, lovely. I'm with Amanda on this one. A true-ly fantastic piece of work.
Dueling couplets. Both yours and Darryl's are beyond my grasp of lyric sophistication, but the feelings come through and the metaphors delight. *
Thanks so much everyone. I have to thank Darryl who graciously invited me to do this after the comment I wrote to "Hello Is All There Is". I spent all night scanning his poem and gained a great deal more appreciation for what the poem was doing. As is apparent, I took a lot from that poem (and even some from another) trying to mimic a heated quarrel between two people with too much history. ;)
And really, this is the kind of interaction I really love at Fictionaut: inspiration, collaboration, generosity of creative spirit.
I wish Darryl had left his up. I'd forgotten my comment on it, and went looking for it, but he'd taken it down.
I just noticed! I hope he's just revising...maybe we should send him a message...
Well, poop. I didn't get to read Daryl's piece. But this is gorgeous. So ethereal and light. *
Thanks so much Charlotte! Darryl's was, well, amazingly inspirational. Now my duet is incomplete. :(
J.A.: Like the idea of the duet and the execution of it. Your poem edges "perfect clouds with topiary scissors"!
But I cannot forget"The forgotten box of me"--excellent!
"you're your own invention"
Ain't it the truth. *
Thanks, Bill! The "perfect clouds" was a dig at the narrator of Darryl's poem. Ah, arguments! ;)
Thanks, Jake! That line actually comes from another Darryl poem.
Perfect.*
Good pivot on the center line, JA. Wonderful phrasings. I like the poem.
Thanks so much, Chris & Sam!
A shimmering flow of images always filling out the unexpected. *
Thanks so much, Beate. The images are mostly Darryl's—I just did a bit of remixing like a DJ.
Y'all should submit your interlocking poems somewhere. I love the collaboration. They're perfect together.
Charlotte, I confess I'm really pleased at how it turned out. I really didn't think I was going to be able to turn out anything presentable at all.
I'm thrilled and honored to be able to work in this capacity with J.A., there's so much to admire in what she has accomplished here, and I love the beautiful language. Very cool!
Thanks so much, Darryl, for giving me the opportunity. It was wonderful being able to collaborate with you.
I love this team up, fan of Darryl's and I imagine now, a fan of yours. Wonderful work, both y'all.
*
Thanks so much, Bud!