by David Ackley
Every few days, on one of our walks, the dog and I go down to a shallow, quick river where I used to fish for brook trout and which still looks like trout water, though it no longer holds many.
A dirt path, double-tracked by the pickups of fishermen, runs along the right bank for a few hundred yards, bending left with the river, between it and a pond where beaver build their lodges and snip off alder and birch for nourishment, and where we see the occasional carousing otter, and in migrating season, merganser and buffle-head ducks, and sometimes as many as forty Canada geese. It's a pretty spot, with intermittent looks at the mountains, and the way the light fractures across the little peaks and valleys of the stream's riffles, shifting constantly from dark to bright and back again.
Occasionally, a pair of ducks or geese take up residence on the pond and raise a clutch, but it must be too small to support more than those few, a harder life than you might suppose from the idyllic appearance of the place.
The path comes to a dead end, closed off by forest growth, and, as usual, we climb down the river bank so the dog can sniff along the edge or drink and wet his feet in the cool shallows on this hot day. Here the river drops down a long bouncy riffle, then smooths out and narrows in perspective between looming grey boulders before it swings to the right into a cave of overhanging pines and disappears. Perhaps because it opens a space in the greenery like a long straight hallway that penetrates deep into a dwelling, you can sometimes glimpse the unexpected. I keep an eye out for deer or maybe a young black bear splashing across the shallows.
That's how, while the dog laps up his drink, his leash slack between us, I catch sight of the mother duck, a merganser by her red head, paddling quickly from the shore to the middle of the stream, followed close by a single puff of yellow down, tiny, bobbing along in her wake. It seems odd that she'd risk her offspring to the current, though it rides over the little waves of the riffle buoyant as a ping-pong ball, keeping nicely close to her tail feathers.
And that there's only the one seems odd, too. By the time I think this, they've turned downstream and move rapidly away, a little faster than the current, which luckily is not especially heavy. She's paddling, making it harder than need be for the duckling to keep up.
And then it's gone. I haven't taken my eye away, haven't even blinked. There's been no disturbance at the surface, no sign of pursuit, not even a suspect ripple. Yet the small yellow puff is gone, and fails to reappear, though I watch and wait.
The mother paddles on without a glance back to betray that it ever existed.
I watch her all the way out of sight around the bend, realizing only then that she'd not taken flight, as you'd think she might have once the duckling was gone, if there'd been any threat.
I watch her all the way out of sight, unsure what it is I've just witnessed, save perhaps a small intimation of what lies under the surface, under the skin of the world, waiting.
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Fresh from an appearance in the fine pages of THIS magazine, for which my sincere gratitude. And as of September 29th for nominating this story for "The Best of The Net," heartfelt thanks to Joani Reese and Lacey Dunham, editors of THIS.
This story has no tags.
This is going to keep me awake tonight.
Excellent piece of work.
"Under the skin of the world." Powerful.
I loved this. -- * Q
All that exists within the frame in the beauty of the natural world is not idyllic and sweet. The power of that fact has a bracing beauty of its own. Difficult to express, but you've pulled it off nicely.
The ending gives me shivers. Quite beautifully done! *
Beautiful and powerful. Big fave.
Oh my. This is gorgeous, David. The language is so perfect for this piece, too, the flow of the sentences. I feared for that yellow ball of fluff...and riding like a ping pong ball is great. You close this just right. Excellent work. *
'under the skin of the world' !!! What tension created by such careful,close details - palpable. You more than earned the gasp from this breathless reader this morning. Bravo. *
Damn! Truly good!
Dear Carol, Quenby, James, Kari, Kim, Kathy, Julie and Matt,
All writers, everyone, whose work I respect so much, Thanks deeply for your response to this piece. It's been working on me for some time, really affected me when it happened, but it's taken me a while to try to put it into words that would convey it as it was. Thanks again for saying that maybe that has happened.
love
david
You should do a duotrope's search for men's mags (Field & Stream, etc.) that focus on game sports (fishing, hunting, etc.) that tend to pay big bucks.
Thanks, Matt, it's a great thought.
Well yes -: "And then it's gone. I haven't taken my eye away, haven't even blinked. There's been no disturbance at the surface, no sign of pursuit, not even an extra ripple. Yet the small, yellow puff is gone, and fails to reappear, though I watch and wait."
Nicely done, David. Enjoyed this piece. Good details.
Found the one I was thinking of:
http://duotrope.com/market_2285.aspx
Thanks so much Sam for the read and the comment. I appreciate your singling out lines that hit it for you.
Thanks , Matt, I'll take a peek.
Terrific story. And told with such care. Love your reverent use of the language, the pathos of the tale, the brilliance of the ending. Great stuff. *
Your'e so good with layers and buildup - just great, David..your details are wonderfully deceptive...to think we're seeing the rosy glow of the world then bang...reminds me of that Franz wright poem..I've wasted my life...
Jack and Shelagh,
Thanks so much for the good words, deeply appreciated and fun to read.
Wonderful restraint here. The conclusion reads like a poem.
I can dig it.
Thanks, Cheryl for the read and the comment.
i really like how get out of the way of the story throughout - something that i'm still learning to do - it makes the beautiful last sentence even stronger.
Thanks, Marcus, so happy to have your seal of approval on this and on the approach. Think I was channelling Thoreau or Annie Dillard( a longtime favorite) with this one.
Intense story. Tough to read but truly a tale of nature's domain.
George L. Chieffet
Thanks, George, appreciate your taking the time to read and comment.
This is a very powerful. Observing nature and what can happen before our eyes so quickly.
Nicely told.
Gloria, thanks so much for the read and the appreciation.
"a small intimation of what lies under the surface, under the skin of the world, waiting"
Wonderful!
Hey, thanks, Bill for the read and the kind comment.
Very nice ending on this one! So well-written. *
thanks, Kathy, for browsing around to find this little number. So glad it was to your liking.
Gorgeous lyrical language and imagery. Beautiful and heartbreaking. Haunted by the ending. Great piece!
Thanks so much, Michael, for your enthusiastic response to this piece, which keeps rewarding me with interested and interesting readers.
"under the skin of the world, waiting"--haunting, indeed. *
There You go, mining the back shelves, Beate, and happy I am to find you there. Thanks very much for the read and comment...
david
Oh, my. I come from the river, and hardly expect anyone to be able to pull off a wet ostranenie on my home turf, but you did. Boyoboy. What I liked best was the gentle way you build a fully three-dimensional sensory storyworld here, so complete, so known and tangible, and then remind the "small yellow puff" of ourselves that beyond the happy ripples of that river, another dimension lives beneath the surface. You Melville, you.
Shucks, Barry, coming from the tsar of the ostranenichi, this is is high praise indeed, deeply appreciated. Melville, low rent, I think, but awfully gratifying to be mentioned in the same breath.
Yoiks! Tsar of the onstranenichi, hhahahahaha, indeed--am but a small yellow puff, an attendant lord, one that will do to swell a progress, start a scene or two--but will be on to you to steal that for blurb purposes, ha! So nice to hear your inimitable voice again, David.
But what? What happened to the small yellow puff? Where are the rest of them? Why was the mother so far out in the river?
Ah, hell. It's just right the way you wrote it. Perfect. I just want you to know how involved I got reading this. Thanks.
I love this story and the way time seems to stand still while you watch nature. It is a moment so generously filled with wonder that it spills off the page and straight into the heart. *
This is both unpretentiously and elgantly written. I had a similar experience to this when I was camping out one night and heard a crash outsight my tent in the morning. When I went outside it was just some deer crossing the river. They stared at me a while, beautiful and totally unafraid, before crossing into the forest. I think you captured that same kind of frozen point in time.
Beautiful in its dark implication
I keep seeing the poor puff trying to keep up.
I hadn't looked at this in a while and was surprised and pleased to have you attentive readers come calling. Thanks very much, Amantine and Ginetta, and Iain for sharing that very wonderfully describe scene.
Haunting look at nature! Cinematic and memorable-Indelible. Wonderful story!
Thanks, Phyllis for poking around in the back numbers and finding this.