Milk For Free
The last time she wore
fur-lined gloves scuttling
grey clouds flew across
the sky as fast as
the muddy waters of
the river flowed beneath.
She stood on the bank
contemplating desire
and indifference and how one
could change to the other
as quickly as clothing
falls to the floor.
Silence wrapped its fickle
arms around her.
Conquest curled its lip.
Well done.
Nice.
Stunning. So few words, so much conveyed. *
"Silence wrapped its fickle"
YAYus...
(though I don't get the title...)
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
"...no huggy, no kissy
until I get a weddin' vow..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdpAop7gp0w
I like the balance to the imagery - clouds and river. Gives a clear presence to the she of the poem. Nice work. *
"as quickly as clothing
falls to the floor"
Much enjoyed.*
Like the first stanza with the cold muddy water and gray clouds opposite the comfort and warmth of fur gloves. Very physical.
I like especially the desire versus indifference contemplation. And everything else too. *
A moment to remember.
"She stood on the bank
contemplating desire and
indifference"
Consider moving "and" to third line. Strong as is but reads even stronger to me.
"She stood on the bank
contemplating desire
and indifference"
Good poem, Charlotte. Great last line.
I agree, Bill. Thanks for the advice and comment.
Yup. This is good.
...how one
could change to the other
as quickly as clothing
falls to the floor
Finally got around to this one and I can see why Mad Swirl picked it. Clever work.*
Thanks, Steven and Amanda, for your comments and time.
Especially like the mirrored movement of the clouds and water here! Yep, enjoyed this poem very much.
Such a tight small thing, wrapping so much in its short lines. Good writing. I really like this!
Conquest curling it's lip does it for me. Fav, Charlotte.
"She stood on the bank
contemplating desire
and indifference . . . " Charlotte -- those lines hit deep. Just beautiful. What a poem.