A Debt No Honest Man Can Pay
by Bill Yarrow
I'm sitting here listening to Nebraska and it's
breaking my heart not because it's plaintive
and brilliant but because it's taking me back
to 1982 and our baby—not even two pounds—
breaking my heart not because it's plaintive
and brilliant but because it's taking me back
to 1982 and our baby—not even two pounds—
in intensive care—in New York Hospital—far away
—we live in Queens—it's what we can afford—
but we see her every day—well one of us does—
via the subway—where I sit listening to Nebraska
and Springsteen is singing about paying a debt
no honest man can pay—and I'm thinking
What is that debt? It's marriage, right? It's
love, right? It's the privilege of having a kid,
right? Not in the song but in life, in someone's
life, in my life, it is a debt, a brutally honest debt,
but you never pay it back, no one can, not with
money, not with time, not with compassion, not
with care, not with what I make, not even with
what you make, I'm not talking hospital bills,
I'm talking what forever can never be repaid
so, listen, you listen to a song whose line hits you
in your kidney and you double over as if you're
pregnant—a pregnant woman—not close—not close
enough to term—but you birth something anyway
—and one day it becomes your heart—and then
your heart gets pregnant and it gives birth to
your future which you learn is made entirely
of your past, a past where you are listening to
a song, a concept, a whole album, again and
again, over and over, the album Nebraska, which
never gets dull, never gets tired, never gets old.
—we live in Queens—it's what we can afford—
but we see her every day—well one of us does—
via the subway—where I sit listening to Nebraska
and Springsteen is singing about paying a debt
no honest man can pay—and I'm thinking
What is that debt? It's marriage, right? It's
love, right? It's the privilege of having a kid,
right? Not in the song but in life, in someone's
life, in my life, it is a debt, a brutally honest debt,
but you never pay it back, no one can, not with
money, not with time, not with compassion, not
with care, not with what I make, not even with
what you make, I'm not talking hospital bills,
I'm talking what forever can never be repaid
so, listen, you listen to a song whose line hits you
in your kidney and you double over as if you're
pregnant—a pregnant woman—not close—not close
enough to term—but you birth something anyway
—and one day it becomes your heart—and then
your heart gets pregnant and it gives birth to
your future which you learn is made entirely
of your past, a past where you are listening to
a song, a concept, a whole album, again and
again, over and over, the album Nebraska, which
never gets dull, never gets tired, never gets old.
"you are listening to
a song, a concept, a whole album, again and
again, over and over, the album Nebraska, which
never gets dull, never gets tired, never gets old.."
Springsteen recorded it at home on a basic tape recorder with one guitar, to begin with. It is his stark masterpiece. *
Lovely work.
*
Passion that hurts so good. *
This is a good one.
* well, yes
Thanks, Gita, Gary H, Jerry, Mat, Adam, and Gary P!
Enjoyed this, nice work.
*
*, Bill. Remarkable poetry. Like the title,t his was the money line for me: "I'm talking what forever can never be repaid..."
Heart, deep and wide.
Thank you, Kitty, Sam, David J and David A!
**
—and then
your heart gets pregnant and it gives birth to
your future which you learn is made entirely
of your past...
Sheesh. A great one Bill.*
Thanks, Rachna and Tim!
Way moving, Bill. Such a fine piece. And I'm not even a Springsteen fan. But I am of yours.
Lovely comment, Ed! Thank you!
Wow. I've read this 3 times and it's just as powerful.
Thank you, Neil! So glad you liked the poem.