You Never Knew
by sara t.
You never knew
How to express
What you didn't know
You felt
With your words
You picked on
You taunted
You destroyed
Did it help
To feel yourself
Did it work
To disparage
Those who were
Innocent and young
Blameless
For living
What your words
Didn't kill
Your fists
Drew blood
When you cried
Alone in the end
Did anyone hear
You and your
Pain and suffering
Did you connect
One to the other
Or did you
Until your last
Blame
Denigrate
Stay blind
To yourself
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I really like the way this piece begins, Sara. The opening stanza is very strong. The syntax in stanza five is a real jolt in terms of grammar since the two phrasings don't directly connect - but it works so well. It's my favorite. Dylan does that in a song "Po Boy" - "Othello told Desdemona "I'm cold, cover me with a blanket"
"By the way, what happened to that poisoned wine?"
She said "Why- I gave it to you drank it".
In the last sentence, when Dylan takes out the connecting "you" – (I gave it to you, you drank it) The missing connecting word makes the line work like a hammer. Very effective. It's a big payoff for me. That 5th stanza of your poem does the same thing.
What an interesting way to end the piece - "Stay blind / to yourself". Great way to close the poem.
I like how the ending brings it all back to "your fists." It always surprises people that the hate they spew finds its lost way home to their very mouths, their fists, their hearts again. Nice going.
Those who were
Innocent and young
Blameless
For living
And
Blame
Denigrate
Stay blind
To yourself
This is very very good, Sara, strong deep writing. I'm surprised it doesn't have a fav, hang on it, does now! :-)