by sara t.
Of flowers there
Are none
In June
No sun
Upon my cheek
The gentle breeze
Stirs me not
The smiles
They cloud
my vision
Birds they
Sing their songs
But I hear
Them not
When tears
Rain down
My heaven.
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I really like the closing here, Sara. Breaks away from the expectation that June carries with it. Also, because of the strong weight the three lines at the end - gives me a different slant on the inverted phrasing that you use in the earlier stanzas.
I like the form here - the brief lines pop. Interesting sound at work throughout.
thanx Sam, those are some interesting observations especially about the last paragraph being inverted not. ;) thanx!
Beautiful and bittersweet. Nice one Sara!
thanx Michael!Appreciate the read and the comment.
Nicely written. Brief leaving plenty for the reader to imagine.
Thanx Anne for the read and the comment.
Lovely, Sara.
thanx for the read and comment Marcelle!
Bittersweet and lovely...