I Scream
by Rene Foran
he sat in his truck
and watched her
watched her right there
at the picnic table
kept an eye on her
as she peeled back
the white paper liner
surrounding
her ice cream sandwich
breathing out slowly
as he half looked away
as she methodically tugged
wrapper from pleasure
like sunburnt skin
pinkies up
daintily
dear god, he begged
let there be, for her sake
a ream of paper
around that confection
an endless ream of paper
to save us all
from what comes next
This made me smile. Funny!
Nice approach, Rene. Enjoyed the piece.
This is what we refers to, in da business, as a crowd pleaser. Instead of "As I just cannot bear what is to follow." I might have ended this with:
"Because,
Because ...
Oh God, she's doing it!"
But then again, I got no class and you do.
Fave
Mark, I'm glad it made you smile.
yeah, funny.
Rene
Thank you Sam!
James,
I could have.
But I?
Like to make you work a little.
Rene
This has such an interesting, and a tad creepy, image, being spied on by a guy in a truck, and I liked it very much!
Yes Cherise.
Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Cherise?
tad creepy indeed
Rene
Sitting in a truck watching an attractive woman eating an ice cream sandwich isn't creepy in itself but, keeping an eye on her, peeling the wrapper, like peeling "skin on a sunburned back," and begging God to let the peeling be "endless," implies creepy possibilities of "what is to follow."
JMC.
Precisely.
Really neat, rene. very good.
Thanks Matt,
Very kind of you.
Rene, I love that you created something out of an ice cream sandwich moment. Enjoyed this!
Thanks Kari.
Always enjoy when you stop by :)
Wonderful poem, Renee. Works perfectly.
Maybe it's just me, but I find all the capital letters distracting (particularly the last line).
"let there be an endless ream of paper
around that confection"--that's so great.
Rene! (Whoops! Sorry.)
Bill, thanks.
I never know when to use upper and lower case. I will change the last line...for you :)
I appreciate your help so please don't stop. I need all I can get.
And don't worry I get the Renee all the time.
Rene
Yes, creepy, like skin peeled off a burned back is what I was getting, it's a terrific edgy poem, love the voyeurism and how it unnerves him, this "simple" peeling off of the ice cream wrapper. wild!
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