Due to the volume of submissions
not the due-to-the-volume-of-submissions-we-receive button,
nor the it-does-not-fit-our-editorial-needs button;
the we-have-read-with-great-interest-your-work button has been
replaced, and rest assured, will be pushed in due course.
The we-wish-you-luck-placing-your-work-elsewhere button
is being saved for your second submission for fear of a third.
No, the mug-of-hot-coffee-thrown-in-the-face approach,
or the poke-me-in-the-eyeballs-with-a-long-sharp-stick approach.
None of that lay-me-down-gently-and-stroke-my-wounded-ego approach,
or a sit-you-down-there-and-put-the-handle-of-this-hairbrush-between-
your-teeth approach —
no, a good kick-in-the-bollox-and-start-again approach as those up
for adoption stare back with their air of told-you-so.
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Author's Note
If we can't poke fun at ourselves, what's the point?
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Succinctly delineates the bullshit spectrum.
Best opener I've ever read.*
Thanks Amanda and Gary. Just a bit of fun!
Well, sometimes, fuck you is enough, is just right, is easy to assimilate.*
A worthy addition to the Great Fictionaut Genre of Fuck your rejection and the editor too.
*
And you pushed it back :)
"as those up for adoption stare back with their air of told-you-so." Enjoyed that line in particular.
I experienced so many Déjà vus reading this I suddenly burst into hysterics. Negotiating with the librarians at this very moment begging them to let me stay. *
Thanks for all the comments! and no offence intended to the editors among you! :)
Good piece, Neil.
An original take on the lunacy of editorial lines ( we all use them). Especially love that fresh opening and the in-yer-face POV. *
Ouch, been there! Alas, too many times. You catch the ethos, Neil.
Arrg. Someone told me to take a personally written not of rejection as a kind of compliment, since it takes a bit longer to write. This is unlike the one I recently received from a journal which shall remain nameless. It was an email that said "This is not for us." Yeah, well, I'm not for them either. Let us laugh. *
Fucking hilarious.
One should read this upon receipt of every rejection letter! Brilliant.
Extraordinary -- you've completely captured all our fears of rejection and shown us that they are as ephemeral as air. Subjective -- art and rejection always will be. Perfect, and how rare to find such true wry humor in a poem.
Absolutely perfect and wry poem about the real world of writing and publishing. So many good things in this! It's a keeper on my list of poems I want to read again and again. Especially when I'm sending out work! Marvelous.
You're a nutcase. Crazy.
*.
When you learn to laugh at rejection, it loses its teeth. Then you crave it... and in the absence of fear you submit more often... and the law of averages rewards you. But your newfound appetite for rejection is never satisfied, so you take up skydiving to compensate... it's a viscious circle is art.
*****