Due to the volume of submissions

by Neil McCarthy

Somebody pushed the automatic fuck-you button today,


not the due-to-the-volume-of-submissions-we-receive button,

nor the it-does-not-fit-our-editorial-needs button;


the we-have-read-with-great-interest-your-work button has been

replaced, and rest assured, will be pushed in due course.


The we-wish-you-luck-placing-your-work-elsewhere button

is being saved for your second submission for fear of a third.


No, the mug-of-hot-coffee-thrown-in-the-face approach,


or the poke-me-in-the-eyeballs-with-a-long-sharp-stick approach.

None of that lay-me-down-gently-and-stroke-my-wounded-ego approach,


or a sit-you-down-there-and-put-the-handle-of-this-hairbrush-between-

your-teeth approach —

no, a good kick-in-the-bollox-and-start-again approach as those up

for adoption stare back with their air of told-you-so.