Here you stand in the kitchen, cracking the ice loose from the ice tray, flexing your skinny arms, clenching teeth, feigning strength. I weigh an empty glass in my fingertips. An open bottle of gin swings between us. We are moments away from the end, and it feels like it. I can honestly say that very few things in my life have made as much sense as this realization, this feeling. I had wondered how I would feel, and I wondered how I would feel.
Neither of us has been able to say it, but we catch it in each other's eyes and turn to the contrived equanimity we devised for ourselves and—we hope—those around us who are only going to find out it is over right after we do. And what exactly is over? What did we have? When, upon your presence in the room, did my already rapidly beating heart cease to feel as though it harbored a second, smaller heart?
I illuminate you to our imminent condition and the living room transforms into a solar system. We gravitate around false conceptions of ourselves. When you tell someone that what you have with them is no longer, it's an abstract notion at first, like the existence of life on other planets. Ambient sound conjures from elsewhere, outside, leaking through the walls, thin glass, slightly opened windows. Tonight we will usher in the skyline of a future apart, and emerging from beyond that horizon is pure hurt and loss, to be followed shortly thereafter by a sense of emptiness, conditioned to endure the wait for our unescorted lives to give way to a sense of renewal.
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You & I #6.
Oct. 2013
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got way too many forms to draft and complete before lunch so i can't leave a more detailed comment but i just wanted to say i really like this and i like the delicacy of the language. *
Appreciate your time and kind words, Chris. Means a lot from you.
Matt:
I really like the tone you've achieved with this one. Especially like the contrast of the first two sentences. The juxtaposition of image and line length echoes the theme of the piece as a whole. Really nice.
This line I read three times. I love it.
"I had wondered how I would feel, and I wondered how I would feel."
Also,
"When, upon your presence in the room, did my already rapidly beating heart cease to feel as though it harbored a second, smaller heart?"
The "renewed purpose" doesn't seem so "renewed" to me, and I'm sure that's what you intended. *
A good meeting of the abstract and the real -
"When you tell someone that what you have with them is no longer, it's an abstract notion at first, like the existence of life on other planets. Ambient sound conjures from elsewhere, outside, leaking through the walls, thin glass, slightly opened windows."
*
"Tonight we will usher in the skyline of a future apart, and emerging from beyond that horizon is pure hurt and loss and obliteration..." The detached tone belies the pain in this piece.*
"When, upon your presence in the room, did my already rapidly beating heart cease to feel as though it harbored a second, smaller heart?"
What I've been trying to put into words for months. Thank you for writing this.*
Had the pleasure of getting a jump on this, so I won't repeat myself. Part of a greater work; hopefully we'll see that coming. Fav.
"We gravitate around false conceptions of ourselves."
Such a perfect description of the loss of the familiar within a relationship. I loved this piece and would love to read more. *
I'm impressed. Wish I had the time to say more.
Thanks, James. Me too.
Good stuff — I especially like your transgressing planes of existence and transcending the boundaries of the personal, primal towards the universal, uncanny. This emptiness you mention at the end: it's uncanny. I've been lucky with endings but I've felt it. Alas, words eluded me for many years after and in a way still do.
PS must admit when I saw the title my heart leapt and I thought you were writing about Second Life®, avatars, all that (I like it) but actually this is better... ;-)
The solar system paragraph really works to illuminate the awareness of the coming unknown. *
Thank you, Marcus and Beate, for your generous comments.
Gorgeous, my son.
"And what exactly is over? What did we have? When, upon ...... it harbored a second, smaller heart?"
This one stole my breath away. This is eternal ....
And the closing para, the whole of it sublime. Vintage DeLillo-esque. Not being overly enthusiastic here. This is just too darn good.
Take a bow ... *****
I'm feeling very moved by the generosity of this community. Thanks so much to all who have commented and read this little story.
Some small revisions are slowly being applied, so if any references in the comments don't match up in the future, that's why.
Nice. Love this--"When, upon your presence in the room, did my already rapidly beating heart cease to feel as though it harbored a second, smaller heart?" *
Hurt, loss, emptiness... healing.
Bring on the healing.
So glad you're back, Matt! Missed your excellent words.
Fave.
*, Matt. Really well-written piece. I like this line a lot:
"Neither of us has been able to say it, but we catch it in each other's eyes and turn to the contrived equanimity we devised for ourselves..."
Gentlemen--
You are too kind.
Okay - enough of this farce!
I confess! I confess! I paid each and every one of these people to say nice things about your work.
Sorry, but I'll have to draw the line at 19 faves. I'm broke.
:)
Where'd you get your hands on a computer, Houtman?
I thought they had locked you up for good!
"I thought they had locked you up for good!"
"They" have not yet built the prison that can contain me...
Bwaaaa-haaa-haaaa!
Sally was just kidding, right, guys?
The crack of the ice was perfect. I was moved to discomfort and sadness by this piece. The writing really succeeds and being outside and inside the moment.
Yeah. Yeah. I was just kidding.
(Pssst, Carol - your check is in the mail.)
So amazing how the world can change in three short paragraphs and how the solar system can shrink to a living room.
thanks.