Boardroom Bullshit
by Mathew Paust
So
At the end of the day
If we can learn to think outside the box
By all means
We should make it a team effort,
We expect you to get with the program,
Push the envelope
And give 111 percent,
But I'm available to talk about it,
I am a people person
And my door is always open.
Once we have agreed to a paradigm shift
We expect you to hit the ground running
Touching base with a win-win market-driven benchmark
Our user-friendly approach
Has raised the bar of scalability
In an impactful synergistic strategy
Going from good to great
Now more than ever
It is time to step up to the plate
And be proactive.
That being said,
We will not throw you under the bus
In terms of game-changing dynamics,
However, it may be incumbent
Upon the functionality parameters
To find a turnkey solution
Before leading the charge
With level-set incentives
At any given time
Notwithstanding a ramp-up of take-aways
To kick the can down the road.
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Author's Note
Another reprise from the distant past. Perhaps this is best called "found poetry"? [I've just learned it's called a "cento". Little by little, I continue to learn about poetry! Thanks, Sam]
Boilerplate to the max.*
Ha! All the Business cliches in one place.
Tim and Gary -- thanks for not throwing me under the bus!
hahaha matt...hear every single one of em...day in and day out...SOP
Sounds win-win to me, Jamal.
let me prepare a critical path for the roll-out matt!
The paucity of the bottom line, well done.*
You left out: issues, concerns, challenges, goals, blah. blah, blah...
"We will not throw you under the bus
In terms of game-changing dynamics,
However, it may be incumbent
Upon the functionality parameters
To find a turnkey solution
Before leading the charge
With level-set incentives
At any given time
Notwithstanding a ramp-up of take-aways
To kick the can down the road."
*
I was getting the blahs at that point, Kitty.
Bill, you sound as if you really mean it. ;)
This makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Echos from a dark world of mirrors. *
Nailed it. Not just boardroom, even in business school education - I'm fighting the BS every day. There is more to be mined here - different cultures do have slightly different BS sets. "At the end of the day" e.g. is one from Britain. It means...very little, at this point. Many of these ejaculations probably did mean something at some point. "Leading the charge" is meaningful in battle; in times of war and conflict, several of these may help calm the masses in a liturgical sense...brilliant ending too. Corporate tempest.