Limboland
by Kim Conklin
She was a forward-motion girl. She never bothered to learn to walk as a baby. Instead, she stood up and ran.
Her thoughts began with “I can't wait/stand/continue...” at least ten times a day. The rest of the time, she mentally hurried others along.
Now, life was all waiting. There was nothing else she could do, imprisoned by words on paper, a process playing out.
She was stuck in limboland while her fate was being decided. She wasn't scared anymore, but she was tired.
Waiting is exhausting.
Maybe life was nothing but waiting. Hers had seemed to be.
Waiting for the first day of school. A driver's license. A new job. A letter or an email to arrive. Approval.
Waiting for love.
Waiting for “go,” then running until “stop,” or until she collapsed, exhausted.
Maybe the problem was language. The French pass time. The English spend or kill it.
Yesterday, while waiting, she listened to an old man's story about his youngest grandchild. His son and daughter-in-law had given up, stopped hoping for a miracle. Then, a pregnant young woman working in a dollar store had asked: “Do you know anyone who wants a baby?”
Maybe the trick was to stop waiting.
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Author's Note
For the 52/250, "I can't wait..." theme. Revised.
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My favorite part of this and the most vivid for me is the old man's story--that girl in the dollar store with a baby to unload. That's brilliant!
Kim, I really like this piece. For one thing, it is so very very true (at least for me). "Waiting for the first day of school. A driver's license. A new job. A letter or an email to arrive. Approval.
Waiting for love."
Fantastic slice of life here. Bravo.
I really like this, and it reminds me a lot of a Dr Seuss book - Oh the places you'll go - which features 'the waiting place':
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
I love your conclusion - rolling on since the invention of hope. Brilliant.
"She thought about stasis, and moved on."
Wonderful.
Nice, Kim. The ending is quite exceptional!
Waiting can be endured, even enjoyed, when there is hope.
"Write about cardinal issues," I was told. Well, you did it here, and the miracle happened. Good for you. Very well done.
A really nice piece, Kim. Enjoyed the read. Good form.
You've tapped into a universal part of life for so many people. Really well done.
This is great, Kim.
end at "Maybe the trick was to stop waiting." That's a strong moment in the story.
The lines after read preachy to me.
["balls-to-the-wall girl"?]
Thanks for the great comments and feedback!
So interesting Kim.
A couple of suggestions - and apologies, I can't help myself.
"Now, life was all waiting. " Perhaps, instead, "Now her life was about waiting." or something like that.
Maybe eliminate the comma between "do" and "imprisoned"
"Waiting is exhausting" The rest is in past, so perhaps "Waiting was exhausting"
"Hers had seemed to be" Perhaps "Hers seemed to be"
Perhaps rather than "Yesterday, while waiting," go with a punchier alternative that fits the theme, "While waiting yesterday...."
"...had given up, stopped waiting..." perhaps eliminate the comma and add in an "and"
"Then (elim comma) a pregnant young woman asked... eliminate the colon, and just have it dialogue.
Loved the last line.
Excellent. Like the last paragraph especially. Not sure what the original ending was, but like this very much.
Thanks for the comments!
Beautifully done.
I love the pace of this, Kim. And I really like the title. It's playful, yet serious. You balance that tone great here.
Catching up on your work, enjoying. Love the ending here.
Thanks, Mark!