They Come To Me At Night
They come to me at night. I have to cash my check; I see their bodies next to yours; I see the rent is due; I see you holding them inside your arms.
I'm out of stamps. I think of how you wanted me at every moment when we met—outside a tom cat screams into the window—as I wanted you; I hate to think you wanted them, their skinny bodies, whatever minds. I smell the spray; my roommate died but before she did she said the cats would come; I know you keep in touch with them; I wonder what they say to you and how you speak to them of me.
I can't forget to pay the gas bill. Do they talk to you as if they know something more of you than me? I know something but not everything not nothing from those years you hardly talk about; that smell will stain my place and then more cats will come; I know you burned yourself; I know you brought to bed a lot of girls; I know I should to be concerned about the scars but they don't come to me at night.
My roommate died on the West End Highway; it was awful and she keeps getting bills sent from the hospital although she's dead. The ones you say were toxic I assume you mean real sexual and then they come to me at night; I see their sweated bodies wrapped with yours.
I have an appointment set for the day after next; you said you thought you might be firing blanks and then I feel a kick into my chest—two kicks, three, seven at least—my cat is going crazy at the stinky tom outside the window and the birds are waking, screaming: I'm not dead! You say you want my babies but well, just no, not now, just no not yet.
They come to me at night; I'm more beautiful I know you love me; my roommate's family threw her things out in the trash and left me with her furniture I didn't want; you helped me deal with all of that; I need some envelopes as well; I'll get them when I get the stamps; you are a Nine One One Man for all the planet, for all the women you once held in bed and said those things you say to me only this I know—only this I think I know—that we will last.
The birds make sleep prohibitive; the tom cat stink sits on my tongue; in just two days I'll start to bleed; I know you love me; there's no comparing still they come to me at night, at nights like this that turn to mornings when I turn to you and curse the birds—I curse the birds!—the ones who made it through this night; they made it through this God-long night.
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This story appeared recently in the awesome Matchbook. My Critical Thought commentary that goes alongside of it is here: http://www.matchbooklitmag.com/cantrill.html
Sorry folks, I don't know why my stuff comes up with the weird characters at the top- they are not part of the story!
Fantastic, Kate. Loved the commentary. Love the daring of this piece, how loose and controlled it is at the same time. How you went by intuition it seems and story came through layer by layer, because you let the sound and the voice drive this. Wonderful!
Thanks, Kathy! And thanks for the fave!
This has every piece in place. For my own part as a reader, I'll say, though, the inventive way you stagger language, negative, pronouns. There's an off-beat then on-time thing going on that held me in place. Love being held like that by words. Thanks.
Thank you, Sheldon!!
I love the movement of this. It feels all over the place and yet also contained. And it also stinks, seriously, those cats, that smell. It's all really powerful. * (if you copy your doc's text onto something like text editor and then copy it here, that garble stuff won't appear at the top)
Oh, Thank you Jane!!
this is really interesting, your way with language, your interruptions so to say...agree with Sheldon's comments about staggering, etc. also like the repetition of the cats.
Thank you, Shelagh!
I love the language in this: "I know something but not everything not nothing from those years you hardly talk about; that smell will stain my place and then more cats will come; I know you burned yourself; I know you brought to bed a lot of girls; I know I should to be concerned about the scars but they don't come to me at night."
Awesome. I love that you're not afraid to use run-ons I love run-ons runons make me
Thanks Jamie! I like run-ons too I like them a lot I always have I bet I always will well maybe not maybe I'll get into something different, I don't know something like brackets or something like that.