The First Day
by John Riley
When they told me there was still no sign of your boat, that they regretted there was no more that could be done but to wait for the tide to do its work, their staring faces full of rehearsed compassion, I turned without a word and walked down the pier, resisting the urge to dive into the breaking waves below, on through the fish market with its heavy once reassuring smells, up the hill past the park where the acorns had begun to fall and the surface roots of a silver maple weaved through the black top soil like shoelaces in a fishmonger's grimy boots, on to the top of the hill where our tiny house waited, the doors locked, last night's dark sealed inside.
Gorgeous writing, John! **
I really like this, "faces full of rehearsed compassion" sticks out. There are a few modifiers I would change but that's just down to personal preference.
Really felt the movement of a dark tide in this. The closing phrase is perfect.
Marvelous. Resonates so real in me my heart aches. *
Chilling.
Love this part, so beautiful:
"where the acorns had begun to fall and the surface roots of a silver maple weaved through the black top soil like shoelaces in a fishmonger's grimy boots"
A rich story in one sentence. Nice!
*, John. Such a well-told story. It fits the single sentence form so well.
Such a fine sentence.
Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. You all make me proud.
Didn't even notice the structure because it flowed so organically.*
* You made each word count - nice job!
Thanks so much Amanda and Epiphany.
Fine work.
Thanks, Sam
Lovely and dark.*
Difficult to do crime-noir in a single sentence but eloquently managed in this. ***
Thanks Gary and Brenda.
Sublime.
Thank you, James