At Twelve (Abridged Edition)
by Jodi Barnes
She has dwindled for the better part of a year, staved off her period, breasts and hips like a warrior. Chestnut strands that danced along candy apple cheeks now surrender to metal pins, her bun severe as an old maid's. Her prominent ears make it better to hear the doctor's prescription: Gain three pounds by Monday or pack for Johns Hopkins where feeding tubes will do their magic.
It's her hands, not her tears or the cry of an injured bird I will remember. Both hands swiftly lifting like startled swans to her missing cheeks. Each splayed finger the stick Gretel offers a cannibal witch demanding Hansel's fat finger.
I swallow an acrid swell, feel a hedge of thorns behind my eyes. Her hands drop like shot doves, her eyes hollow shells. Her heavy skull bows defeat. I hear Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty, timpani rising, piped in from some other world.
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Author's Note
It's been 16 years. I needed a lot of distance before writing this. My daughter recovered and now has daughters.
So sharply descriptive. I feel the thorns all the way through.
Glad you provided the author's note. Painful. *
Thanks Carol and Jake. She and I are very lucky. Good hard-ass doctors and her wicked smarts and will :)
Strong lines - "It's her hands, not her tears or the cry of an injured bird I will remember. Both hands swiftly lifting like startled swans to her missing cheeks."
Good writing. *
Thank you, Sam. Very much.
Goodness, this is so hard to read: real, sharp, full of imagery and worry and life. Taut and intense. The middle paragraph really strikes me hard.
"It's her hands, not her tears or the cry of an injured bird I will remember. "
Very glad to read the author note.
*
I recovered from something like what your daughter had, so I felt this pretty deep in my body.
This is beautiful writing. Most effective here: "It's her hands, not her tears or the cry of an injured bird I will remember. "
Powerful laguage, images.
Thank you. I'm moved and grateful for your comments. Amanda, you're a strong woman.
cuts to the core.
Heartfelt and real. I worked on an eating disorders unit for a time back in the '&0's - it's tough. Your daughter is to be admired and you for helping her with the hard work. *
"Her hands drop like shot doves"
Arresting image.